Saturday, October 2, 2010

Moving On Sucks

When I got married, I wanted all of my friends to get married too. When I got pregnant, I wanted them to get pregnant with me. Begged is more like it. I have this fear of moving on without them or worse, them moving on without me. I don't want to be left out or leave anybody out in life's experiences. And nothing drives friends apart like being the only married one with a baby.

I spent the day with my sisters in law: the Jennies. Jenny is married to my older brother and Jenni belongs to my younger brother. They have been dating for approximately 87 years so she is very much apart of the family and I consider her a sister in law too. We went into the city and shopped and had a long lunch talking and planning Jenni's engagement that will happen in about 25 more years. Fingers crossed. While it was fun and a much needed time to reconnect and laugh together, I couldn't help but feel like we weren't on the same plain anymore. It was like they stayed behind in "fun young adult land" while I moved on to "routine parent land." Neither of them have children. While they browsed Urban Outfitters like they didn't have a care in the world and time was no concern, I entertained Beatrice with cat pillows, a giant Where's Waldo book, and several walks around the block. And then she needed to nurse so while Jenny tried on fabulous new clothes that she can wear to fabulous places, I sat on her reject pile and nursed my baby. We did not have the same shopping experience, to say the least.

Our lives are different. And hanging out with them all day really made me realize that we are no longer going through the same marriage woes or fashion crises; they've moved on. Or stayed behind. Wherever they are, it's not the same place as me. And it makes me sad. But not because I want to be where they are. I love my life, husband and baby and am ready for 10 more just like her. I'm sad because I don't want to move on so much that they never catch up. I want us to have babies together and talk about breast feeding and poop like we used to talk about clothes and Jenni and Grant's relationship. Ha! And if they wait much longer to marry (Jenni) and have babies (Jenny), then I will have moved on so far ahead that we won't be relatable to each other anymore. Sob!

I hate how life happens at different times for the different people in my life. I wish that all of my girlfriends got married in the same year, got pregnant and chased around almost 1 year olds together. But that did not happen. Instead, some married before me, some after and some not at all. Yet. But out of all of my close friends, I am the only one with a baby. And it is lonely sitting at a lunch table picking peaches off of the floor while your friends look at you like they can't imagine being you. A mother, who has moved on.

The Jennies and me night skiing a hundred years ago. Jenni showed us her most excellent moves on this trip.

We can fight like sisters. Not really. 

But we love each other. They're my Jennies.

1 comment:

  1. I'm the perpetually single girl whose friends are almost all married and are now starting to have babies. I constantly feel like I've been left behind. It's not easy, but I try to find ways to connect with my friends, despite the fact that we are now in different places in life.