A Story About the Cat With Some Unattractive Pictures of My Face

Recently, the cat's life has gotten better. Because of this, he has been banished to the half bath at night. While we sleep snug in our soft, warm bed he sleeps on a folded up crochet blanket inside a tiny cat bed on the bathroom floor. I am perfectly happy with this arrangement, JD however, is not. He loves his cat-boy and thinks everyone deserves a second chance. He has been begging me to let the cat sleep with us again. I was hesitant for many reasons. This being one.

The cat sleeps on my face. He doesn't start there. He plays for a minute, pouncing our feet and legs then makes his way in between our pillows where he makes a nest. He makes biscuits in my hair for a little while before falling asleep. Then he decides that my face would be more comfortable. So he moves. To my face.

I really don't want to post these pictures because I am just a few days postpartum from a 48 lb weight gain pregnancy but they really depict what I am talking about with the face-sleeping. That thing around my neck under my chin? That's my meat scarf. I'm happy to say that I have lost that flab, er fab accessory. And those lips all purple and puffy? Some people get a pregnant glow, I got huge collagen lips that made me talk funny, like they were too big for my mouth. Pregnancy is not a good look for me. Just saying. 


As if the face-sleeping isn't bad enough, the cat has been known to attack me in my sleep. My face mostly.

I was about 12 weeks pregnant in that lovely photo. The beginning of the purple puffy lips is evident, as you can see. The cat was sleeping (on my face) when he got spooked. He lunged off of me. Imagine soundly sleeping with your warm cat-boy snuggled up to you when all of the sudden, you are jolted awake by claws slicing your face open. I screamed, I felt wetness trickle down my face, I ran into the bathroom. JD thought I had lost my mind but I made him look at the horror show that was my face at 5 in the morning. He wasn't too concerned. He sided with the cat actually. He said I must've done something to provoke him. It really was a tiny scratch. That bled and bled and bled. 

Now do you see why I'm fine with the current sleep situation? The cat is crazy about my face. And I don't even like him anymore.

It doesn't matter. He still wants to do this.

This.

And this.

We've been letting him sleep with us on the nights that JD is home. So far he hasn't slept on my face. I think he knows that this a probationary thing and if he screws up by sleeping on or attacking my face, he is back to the bathroom. I will keep you posted....