I had a terrible morning. I realized I had screwed up an Etsy order so I had to frantically remake a grey diaper cover into a brown diaper cover and have it shipped no later than one o'clock to ensure that it arrived on time for my recipient's photo session. I put Beatrice down for her morning nap and prayed that God would have her sleep until I was finished with the cover. As I began to crochet, I realized that I was going to run out of brown yarn. I began praying and believing that God would work a miracle and make my yarn last. I mean if Jesus could feed 5000 with five loaves and two fishes, surely God would let me make one measly diaper cover out of barely enough yarn. Just as I was coming to the end of the yarn, Beatrice woke up. She slept 22 minutes and my diaper cover was halfway complete. I began to get angry.
It was 10:30 so I decided I had enough time to make a quick run to Hobby Lobby for more yarn. I got Beatrice up and we left. On the way, I prayed that my yarn would be available and that it would be on sale. We got there and went to the needlework department. Among 500 varieties of yarn in the tweed section sat an empty hole. That empty hole was supposed to house my barley brown yarn. Instead, it was empty. I stared at the empty space and thought about what the appropriate response should be. Do I give up and go home and refund my buyer's money? Do I cry? I decided to get angry with God. "You've got to be kidding me, God," I fumed. "This isn't just for me, you know. Someone is relying on me and I need Your help." I knew I was treading on thin ice taking it out on Him but I felt let down. I decided not to give up hope quite yet. I ventured to another craft store close by.
I said the same prayer about my yarn being in stock and on sale before I walked in. Beatrice and I made our way to the yarn and saw the tweed display. They had tons of my brand all out in the open. I saw the browns and started scanning for barley. Nothing. Nothing but another empty hole where barley should be. I started getting teary eyed because this really wasn't about me. I wanted to make this person's baby the perfect accessory and photo prop. If I were waiting on something for Beatrice to arrive, I would be terribly disappointed if I got an email saying "sorry, I ran out of yarn." Not very professional or courteous.
So I got back in the car and started crying angrily at God. "See God, I can't really trust you," I thought. I didn't dare say it. "Why don't you care about this when it's so important to me and this other person?" I knew I had no right to think that because God has proven Himself faithful time and time again in my life, but I was upset that He seemed to be ignoring me.
I went to the last craft store in town and told God that this was it. I went to the yarn section and lo and behold on the top shelf was barley tweed. In abundance too. I began crying. "Why did I ever doubt you, Father?" I prayed. "Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!" When I got the register to pay, the clerk pulled out a coupon and I got a 50% discount. Yep. God had answered my prayer in entirety.
I got in my car and started sobbing. I felt so guilty about getting angry with God and ultimately, not trusting Him to pull through for me. Often I think of God as my heavenly Santa Claus sitting up there waiting to give me anything I ask as long as I am a good girl. When the first store was out of my yarn, I pouted and questioned why He would do this to me. I'm good after all. And I asked. Shouldn't He give when I ask?
I love that God cares about even the smallest details of our lives. Not completing the brown diaper cover wouldn't have been terrible. I already had a grey tweed one made. But He cares about the little things in our lives as much as the big. And I love how He does things His way. Making me drive to three different stores was probably to teach me that I really can trust Him with my life because after each failed attempt, I became more desperate for His intervention. And a little lesson in patience probably was due too.
So I finished the diaper cover without any anxiety about anything else going wrong. I figured God had shown me that He had plans to prosper me all along (Jeremiah 29:10-12). It was mailed on time and will be there on Saturday. I needed a reminder that I can trust God with all of the concerns of my life. Even the yarn ones. He is Faithful and I love Him.
Another crappy part to my morning was my toe. I hung my little piggy on the door frame in the pantry and I'm pretty sure I broke it. It is all swollen and purple and I can't bend it. But thanks to Christopher Moltisanti of Sopranos fame, I know that there is nothing you can do for a broken toe except let it heal. I will however, be praying for a speedy recovery. Because God cares about toes too. And I love that I referenced The Sopranos in a post about God.