I'm A Superhuman

There's a running joke within my family that everyone who bears the name "K" has superior genes. My maiden name has been disguised to protect the innocent from internet psychos. Everyone on my dad's side of the family is a natural athletic superstar, has a genius IQ, and is in ridiculously good health/shape.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B: click to enlarge

Exhibit C:

Things come easily for "Ks" because we're naturally superior. Even when we get sick (which is very rare), our "K" genes attack illnesses Kung Fu style without medicine or trips to the doctor. Our bodies were built to trample weaker specimens and our brains were built to conquer the world. We're not boasting. We can't help it, we were born this way. And we always use it for good, not evil, if that makes you feel better.


When I was pregnant with Beatrice, JD and I knew that she would probably look like him. After all, he has all of the dominant features: black hair, black (soul-less) eyes, olive skin. But lo and behold, his dark, dominant features were no match for the superior "K" genes. She looks just like me.

Exhibit D:

This morning, something really scary happened. I heard Beatrice wake up so I got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. The next thing I know, I am lying on the floor in between our dresser and bed. I blacked out and fell on my arm and butt, hard. When I came to, I was shaking and convulsing like I was having a seizure. I couldn't move my arms or legs. I called for JD but he was already there. The loud thud prompted him to come running. I was completely dazed and confused. He helped me up and got the baby while I climbed back in the bed. It scared the crap out of me because I'm a "K", nothing like this has ever happened to me.

I called my brother who happens to be a doctor.

Exhibit E:

He reminded me that Dad had a few episodes much like mine due to low blood sugar. It is a hereditary ailment that he suffers from as well. He explained that our metabolisms work more efficiently than anyone else's, therefore we burn more calories just by existing (it's got to be our large, genius brains that require so much fuel). Basically, we are superhumans and our metabolisms prove it. I was told to eat simple sugars every couple of hours and to take it easy. I took that to mean eat everything in sight all day long. What? Doctor's orders.


I'm going to have blood drawn on Monday to get checked for anemia. I'm not worried. My "K" genes are going to prevail. I am a superhuman. It's in my nature.