Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Worst Mother In the World

We had our first ER visit today. Beatrice got into some Germ-X hand sanitizer and after smelling her mouth, it was determined that she ingested some. I called the poison control hotline and they told me to take her to the hospital. So we packed a diaper bag and left. After 3 hours of being observed by the doctor and nurses, they told us she was going to be just fine. We could go. We left and I proceeded to beat myself up all night for being the worst mother in the world.

I'm very relaxed when it comes to Beatrice. I don't mind when she makes a mess, I let her play with my makeup, I don't call the doctor for every sniffle, and I don't freak out when she falls. I never want for her to get hurt or sick, but when it happens, I roll with it. Thankfully nothing serious has ever happened to her, but it's just my personality to not freak out when things do happen. And that totally freaks me out. She is my precious, vulnerable child. Why don't I worry more or stress when she toddles out of the room and gets into the pots and pans? Why do I assume that she can't get into anything dangerous? Ugggh, what is wrong with me?

Thankfully, she is totally fine and the worst part of the day was trying to keep her entertained in the hospital room for 3 hours. That was horrible. She wanted down so badly, but even I know that could be dangerous so we stayed on the bed watching Tom and Jerry cartoons on my phone. I have to step it up when it comes to what I let her get into. No more digging through the diaper bag (that's where she found the Germ-X), no more playing in my makeup (pretty sure some of that stuff is poisonous if consumed), and no more being so bla when it comes to the fact that there are things that can hurt her. I am a responsible parent, but I'm a very easygoing when it comes to danger. And that has to stop. I don't want to be fearful of what can happen to her, but I need to be more aware of the dangers out there. 


She needs me to be on my game.

6 comments:

  1. aww. This happened to me once with the mouth wash. Glad to hear she isok!

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  2. :( Aly, that must have been so scary! I have to say, I'm a little blase myself abnout some things. I refuse to be a bubble parent, but I admit, there has been times when she has gotten a booboo and other things that could have been prevented with extra caution, but she learns to be tough that way too!! I hate that you had that scare, and don't fret,you are really one of the best mommies ever. I admire your skills lady!! :)

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  3. I much like you. I mean if digging through the diaper bag keeps her happy and keeps her from breaking something or hurting herself... who cares right? I'm the laid back Mama too and i don't think that's a bad thing. If she were to play with the outlet, you would step in. If she were to try to touch the hot stove, you would step in. But you're letting her explore on her own, learn how to be independent, and develop. That does NOT make you a bad mother. Sometimes it's hard to let them do something on their own (learn to crawl down the one step to get into the den) when you know they might get hurt or just because you want to do everything for them or with them. But they have to learn and you're a great mother! (sorry about this novel i wrote!)

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  4. Oh girl...that is scary but don't be so hard on yourself! Accidents are going to happen (even really bad ones) but what is important is that you are there rescue her. My oldest broke her arm when she was 3. Matt and I were sitting right there when it happened and there was not a thing we could do to stop it from happening. Boy did we feel horrible though...you just hate to see your babies in any type of pain!! I am glad she is okay!!

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  5. OH I am so glad to hear she is alright! And dont beat yourself up, there is a fine line between being too relaxed and being a little crazy. I would know, I am on the crazy side, and you know what? I still caught Jack eating a handful of potting soil last summer. These things are going to happyn, you are NOT a bad mother.

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  6. I'm sorry that happened! Glad to hear that she is just fine! :)

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