Goodbye

We had to say goodbye to our kittyboy today. His health rapidly declined in the last couple of days and when the vet ran tests, they found that he was in liver failure. Although super sympathetic and supportive of us, the vet said that there was no hope. He did not stand a chance at recovery. They gave him steroids, fluids, and antibiotics and sent us home to make him comfortable and decide when to euthanize. We woke up this morning to a weak boy who could barely keep his little black head up. JD and I were going to wait until Friday to take him in, but decided not to prolong it since he was in such poor shape. We cleaned him up, whispered our goodbyes in his furry little ears, and wished him well in kitty heaven. It sucked.

It is so awful saying goodbye to a pet. I remember in junior high, our beloved cat got ran over right before we left for school. My mother made us all go to school that day even though we were sobbing. I cried all day and my teachers thought that a family member had died because I could not stifle the tears and grief. Being older does not make it easier. We did our crying last night after the news of his terminal situation. I braced myself to be strong today. But I was not. I have cried all day.

He is gone and it seems a bit surreal. We've had him since we've been married. I told JD that he's a part of our story and it seems like a chapter has been ripped out. I keep expecting him to come trotting in with a foil ball in his mouth or to hop up in my lap to make biscuits until I hold his paws in my hand to stop the pricking of sharp nails in my belly. But then I remember that he is gone.

We took down his stocking and packed away his toys tonight. We left his ornament on the tree though. Beatrice likes it and so do we.

JD and I keep hoping that he had a good life. We hope that he knew that he was loved.  We hope that he knew that he was our sweet kittyboy and saying goodbye was harder than we ever imagined. We miss him and our home seems a little emptier now without him. Love you, buddy.