We had our first ER visit today. Beatrice got into some Germ-X hand sanitizer and after smelling her mouth, it was determined that she ingested some. I called the poison control hotline and they told me to take her to the hospital. So we packed a diaper bag and left. After 3 hours of being observed by the doctor and nurses, they told us she was going to be just fine. We could go. We left and I proceeded to beat myself up all night for being the worst mother in the world.
I'm very relaxed when it comes to Beatrice. I don't mind when she makes a mess, I let her play with my makeup, I don't call the doctor for every sniffle, and I don't freak out when she falls. I never want for her to get hurt or sick, but when it happens, I roll with it. Thankfully nothing serious has ever happened to her, but it's just my personality to not freak out when things do happen. And that totally freaks me out. She is my precious, vulnerable child. Why don't I worry more or stress when she toddles out of the room and gets into the pots and pans? Why do I assume that she can't get into anything dangerous? Ugggh, what is wrong with me?
Thankfully, she is totally fine and the worst part of the day was trying to keep her entertained in the hospital room for 3 hours. That was horrible. She wanted down so badly, but even I know that could be dangerous so we stayed on the bed watching Tom and Jerry cartoons on my phone. I have to step it up when it comes to what I let her get into. No more digging through the diaper bag (that's where she found the Germ-X), no more playing in my makeup (pretty sure some of that stuff is poisonous if consumed), and no more being so blasé when it comes to the fact that there are things that can hurt her. I am a responsible parent, but I'm a very easygoing when it comes to danger. And that has to stop. I don't want to be fearful of what can happen to her, but I need to be more aware of the dangers out there.
She needs me to be on my game.