Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda

2 more days. That's all I have left as a single parent and Daddy comes home! I've been busy cleaning out closets and organizing the pantry. I want this place to be in tip top shape when JD returns. Otherwise, I'm dead meat. I kid, but not really. I have one of those husbands that thinks dinner makes itself and floors get mopped by good samaritans while we sleep. He was never one for doing much housework so he doesn't always realize what goes into maintaining a clean house. (We are very 1950s. He does the "man stuff" like washing the cars and mowing the lawn. I do everything else. Just kidding honey, love you). 


Knowing my husband as well as I do, I know that if he comes home and there are piles of mail on the ottoman and toys on the floor he will undoubtedly ask, "what have you been doing while I was gone?" Now don't go getting all finger-pointing mad at him. He knows I've been raising a baby, but as most men who were raised by mamas who did it all and then married wives who do it all, they really don't understand what goes into maintaining a household. And when we have a little break from it, sometimes mail sits on the ottoman for a week. Or 2 (never the bills honey. I opened and paid those promptly, scout's honor).

So as I make Goodwill piles and clean behind the dining room curtains (I found a dead millipede and still have the heeby jeebies), I can't help but think of things I wish I did while I've had this vacation from household chores terribly lonely, sad time apart from my husband. More lists, sorry. 

1. Ordered a pizza. I never ordered one in the entire 5.5 months he's been gone. Mostly because I didn't trust myself not to eat the whole thing. JD only likes pepperoni. Sometimes, he is feeling wild and crazy and we'll order a thin crust with pepperoni and ham. This man is dangerous. I wish I would have ordered a pizza with the toppings I like such as Mellow Mushroom's Kosmic Karma pizza with pesto swirls, sundried tomatoes and garlic. Shoulda, woulda, coulda.......

2. Slept on his side of the bed. He has the good side. You can see the TV perfectly without the armoire door getting in the way and most importantly, the bathroom is 2 steps away. I don't know why I stayed on my side, I guess out of habit. And this is really dumb, but when I would really miss him I hugged his pillow. Gag, I know.

3. Shopped. I did a little internet shopping here and there but never went to Anthropologie like I threatened and had an all out shopping spree. He wouldn't have minded, I just never did it. Plus when you're nursing, your wardrobe options are very limited. Why waste $70 on a shirt that can't be opened in the front?

Silly things, I know. And the good news is I can do all of those things with him when we are together again (in 2 days, woot woot). Despite the clutter that has accumulated on the ottoman (and kitchen counter and dining room table) in the last couple of months, I have done a few things that I'm darn right proud of. Things that probably would have been hard to do with him around. To the list!

1. Getting Beatrice to sleep. This has been a very long journey with many changes to our itinerary. When JD left, she was swaddled in her swing for the night. It was no longer safe when she started rolling. So I moved her from the swing to the crib, swaddled (no crying, she just did it. I don't know why I was so scared. I guess when my sleep comes into question, things get serious). Then she started rolling over in the crib swaddled. So I had to go a week with 1 arm out, then the other arm out, then no swaddle at all. That's when getting and keeping her asleep became an issue. So I did cry it out. Daddy would not have been able to handle this. 9 nights of pretty hardcore protesting from Beatrice and then she started putting herself to sleep. So where are we today (because of me, don't forget!)? I now lay Beatrice down for all naps and bedtime awake and the child falls asleep without crying. And stays asleep. We have a few 2 hour naps during the day and 12 hours solid at night. I deserve a little recognition for this feat (in the form of sparkly gifts).

2. Saved a boat load of money. I won't divulge the amount, but we have an impressive little nest egg now. For us anyway.  JD earned the money so he gets most of the credit, but I lived like a pauper (and avoided shopping sprees and pizza feasts) and diligently saved some dough. Yay me!

3. Took Beatrice to church every week. This is something that we look forward to doing as a family but doing it by myself has been a challenge. Especially when we've had a long night and sleeping in together sounds like a much more fun option. But with the help of my sweet brothers and sisters in law, I loaded up Beatrice and all of her gear every week rain or shine (but not in the snow. Homegirl cannot drive in the snow). I'm so glad that we have made this a habit now. Even when it's hard and inconvenient to lug a baby and car seat and diaper bag and purse from the back of the parking lot because we are always late, we still go.

I can't help but wonder what it's going to be like having JD back. We've never been here before. We've never had a 6 month old baby and lived together before. That is so weird. I'm sure it will be better than I ever could imagine having a partner in this season of our lives. I just hope he gives me a little grace with the house.......