Saturday, May 1, 2010

Daddy's Coming Home

I have always said that you never really know someone until you live with them. JD and I did not know each other when we got married. We did it the old fashioned way and had our own places while we dated and were engaged. It was when we returned from the honeymoon that we moved in together and got to know one another.

At first, living with my new spouse was marvelous. It was so cute how he did millions of tiny loads of laundry every day. I always saved my dirty clothes until I had enough to do 2 big loads for the week, but different strokes I suppose. He folded things a bit funny, but at least he folded. Our first marital fight was over the towels in the linen closet. I came home to find that he removed every towel I had tri-folded (the correct way) only to refold them using the double fold (the stupid way).

Our marital bliss continued until one day we woke up and asked, "who are you and why aren't you the person I thought I married?" Nothing said incompetence to him like me squeezing the toothpaste from the middle of the tube rather than going from the bottom. I had to bite my tongue every time he double and triple checked my math in the checkbook. Why was my husband so weird all of the sudden and where was the fun, easy-going man I dated?

The little things began to mount and we fought over them. During our premarital counseling sessions with our pastor, we learned that the person who cares less about the situation should concede and give in to the person who cares the most about it instead of butting heads stubbornly. We both had lessons in giving in to the other.

And then we began to mesh. He stopped sitting on the couch after a long, sweaty run and I quit saving the soap bits in the shower and just got a new bar already. We started to learn how to live together in harmony. Not to say that things don't still annoy us but we have learned to either let them go or tell the other person respectfully what bothers us. I no longer fold his laundry because he doesn't like the way that I fold. This is a win-win situation if I ever saw one.

And then JD left for 6 months for work. At first, it was very difficult being without him. But then I saw the silver lining: I could do things MY WAY!!!!!!!! Muahahahahaha!!!!!!!For a little while anyway. And I do. I dump mail and toys on the ottoman, I leave piles of folded laundry on the dresser for days, I squeeze toothpaste from the middle. I have gone rogue and it has been liberating.

JD returns in 1 week. That means we have to learn how to live together all over again. I am secretly excited, maybe it will feel like we're honeymooners once more with more of the cute annoyances and less of the furious conniptions.

I have a feeling we will ease back into things pretty easily. I really do like the order and structure JD demands strives for in our house. He keeps me motivated to keep our home in order. No matter how organically we come back together, our house is definitely a better, happier place with Daddy home.


  1. Congrats on your hubby coming home soon! Has he been gone for the whole 6 months?! I'm sure it will be wonderful when he gets home!

  2. He has been back to visit about once a month. We are so ready to be together again for good!

  3. FINALLY!!! SO happy for you. I have to add one thing....premarital w/ your pastor...tisk tisk! I disagree on the concept of giving in to the one w/ more passion...if that were the case, Stephen wouldn't have a dog in the fight. My personal philosophy from my 3.5 yrs now in school for Marriage & Family Therapy is this.... You have to put eachother first. Have to! If each partner would do that...arguing would be for the birds...and if you look at it closely, the root of most arguments is just that, selfishness! THat is Stephen and my daily pray together, that we will remember to always put e/o needs first and learn more and more the art of beautiful compromise!

    *Note to self, we did however combine accounts and join at my credit union b/c of my utter disdain for Regions and corprate banking. But again! I Digress!!

  4. HA!! I think he meant that usually 1 person feels more strongly about an issue. Like with the toothpaste, it truly infuriates JD that I go for the middle. Me, I think it doesn't matter 1 bit either way but since it really aggravates JD, I give in to lessen the "stress" for him. I agree, you MUST put the other one first in order to get needs met. If I'm thinking about him, he will think of's the perfect circle.

  5. :) I knew you guys did! I tend to toothpaste it both ways...I hit the middle, the close it up, smooth it out from the bottom on the edge of the sink, and BAM, back to full again!

    P.S. The NIGHT we returned from our Honeymoon in Mexico, we had our first married argument about where his toothbrush should go! (it was my house first, and I don't like things out on the counter) it's a tiny bathroom, so put it in the cupboard above the toilet! HELLO!!

  6. I am glad he is coming home soon! :) even if you have to go back to finding the middle ground of harmony ;)