Wednesday, August 10, 2011

We're Not Getting A Divorce, But We May Be Sleeping In Separate Beds

Before I got married, I had a lot of preconceived notions about what should take place in the marriage bed. And I'm not talking about hanky panky, because hello, that's a given. Would a TV in the room be the end of intimacy? Should we keep our disagreements and fights in other rooms or should we drag it out in the bedroom since that's where making up usually takes place? Queen bed versus King bed? Go to bed angry or stay up all night working it out? And never, ever sleep in separate beds. There were a lot of things that seemingly could have been the end of our marital intimacy, but alas, trial and error and a lot of nights of drag out fights then making up (brown chicken brown cow), we have found our way. And I learned that while some things should never make it to our bed (like other people, hello), most everything else is fair game and will still sustain a good marriage.

Except a major size decrease in the mattress.

We temporarily live with my brother and sister in law now. Our awesome King size bed is in storage so we're sleeping on their guest bed. It's a double (or a full, whatever floats your boat). We were very apprehensive about the whole thing since we have been known to wage war with one another in the middle of the night about the lack of space in our King bed. We are both major bed hogs. The thought of sharing a double was pretty unthinkable.

The first couple of nights in the tiny bed were fine. We respected the lack of space we each had and stayed on our respective sides. Rolling over proved to be difficult as elbows often landed on the other's face or side, but a quick "sorry babe" was all that was needed to maintain matrimonial harmony. Then something happened. JD lost all awareness about my condition as a giant pregnant woman and I quit trying to not be the most disgusting person to share a bed with. Open mouth face breathing started happening, snoring, passing gas on each other's backs, hogging sheets, lying on top of one another, and lots of other horrible things occurred. We wake up tired, angry, and bitter if the other person acts remotely rested from the hellacious night's sleep endured. To date, we hate each other. Not really, but we are close to it.

I always thought that couples who slept in separate beds were doomed for divorce. There have been a handful of nights in our marriage that ended up with one of us on the couch due to a fight. It only lasted a few hours though because we seriously consider sleeping solo as the worst thing that could happen in a marriage. But here we are, tired, crabby, and cramped in a tiny bed. We are thinking of splitting up for the next 2 months. Don't worry, just at bedtime. There is another double bed in the room Beatrice sleeps in and every night, we tempt each other with taking it. We never do, of course. I guess we feel like we have something to prove, like if we can make it through 2 months of punching and kneeing each other in the shins all night, we can make it through anything.

As it stands, we have made it through 5 nights of MMA style sleep. JD says I'm the most disgusting person to sleep with due to the pregnancy and I can't understand why he insists on touching me at all during the night since it is only 1000 degrees up there. I say if we make it a full week in that bed, we'll be on the right track to being married forever. Sharing a tiny bed may not be the best thing for marriages. At least not this one.


  1. Oh, I've often been so tempted to sleep in my own bed. Maybe my grandparents had the right idea!

  2. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to get a good night's sleep!