Operation Old Wives Tales

I am officially the most pregnant I have ever been. I had Beatrice 5 days early and by the way this pregnancy has gone with regular contractions since about 24 weeks, I am shocked that Penelope is still in my belly. Shocked and sad and nervous and scared and anxious and a whole bunch of other adjectives. I want to be unpregnant, but more than that, I just want to meet my baby. So I have enacted Operation Old Wives Tales. All week I have been doing the rarely effective but oldest recommended ways to naturally induce labor. I discussed these methods beforehand with my OB. She was skeptical, but okay with me going ahead with my mission. Here’s what I’ve been up to:

Sexytime

-Semen produces prostaglandins which can help soften the cervix, possibly leading to contractions. Sexytime at this stage in the game is awkward and uncomfortable (and for me, ineffective at starting labor), but we are troopers and will do whatever it takes to get this baby on her way out. Hi mom!

Spicy eh Meatballs (say it with a cheesy Italian accent, it’s fun)

-Spicy foods are supposed to wake up the digestive track, causing the uterus to contract as well. I love spicy foods with a passion and they usually love me. So far, they are only making me poop though, something that makes the above a little less appealing for everyone involved...

Walking

-Walking makes your hips sway and helps position the baby in the birth canal while gravity causes everything to drop. So far, I have been walking up a storm. All it’s done is make me need an extra shower everyday.

Eggplant 

-Not sure why this is supposed to induce labor, but people swear by it so I have been eating it. 

Pineapple 

-There is an enzyme that is supposed to soften the connective tissue of the cervix found in fresh pineapple. I am buying a pineapple tonight. 

Pedicure

-This is not proven to induce labor, but pretty toes make me feel better.     

Snuggling Hairless Cats

-Seth and Jenny have 2 hairless cats. They are excellent snugglers and if you've had a recent pedicure, I hear snuggling them is twice as effective.   

So far, I can get contractions going but they stop as soon as I rest. Ultimately, I have failed at inducing my own labor. But I’m not giving up. Penelope must come out and if means doing the maritals with JD while full of spicy eggplant and pineapple after a long walk with hairless cats and pretty toes, so be it.