Last night I had a nightmare. I woke up all sweaty with my heart pounding. I was terrified and shaken and had to take a moment to convince myself that it was just a dream and not real life. I dreamed that baby #2 was a boy.
I don't know why I'm so terrified of having a boy. Actually, that's a lie. I know exactly why, but the reasons are too dumb to admit on the internet. I think it boils down to the fact that I don't think I'd be a good mother to a boy. I hate sports and secretly hope Beatrice wants to skip soccer and t-ball for ballet and gymnastics. If I had a boy, I would be the mom on the sideline playing Angry Birds on my phone instead of watching the game. Boys are messy and pee all over the seat. Both of my little brothers had dried boogers plastered all over their walls because they picked their noses at night. Gross, gross, gross. Boys like bugs and snakes and I have irrational fears of such things. I recognize my weaknesses and raising boys does not seem like something that I'd be very good at. So as you can see, my fears about having one are kind of valid.
I have spent all day trying to convince God why I need another girl. I know how to teach girls how to be godly women because I am one. I like kitties and horses and pink and dresses and shoes and all kinds of girl stuff. I can do some pretty awesome little girl hairdos. I'm good at being a girl and if I only have girl children, we can be good at being girls together and everyone wins. Mmmkay, God? Pretty please? Puhleeeeeeeeeez???
JD says I'm being ridiculous. He knows all of my true reasons for being afraid of having a boy and says I need to embrace the challenge of tackling something that I'm not fully comfortable with. I say phooey. I really want another girl and I'm just hoping that God considers the thoughtful and poignant presentation I pitched to Him today. We shall see in 5 more weeks.
I'm totally gonna have a boy, aren't I?
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This makes me laugh.....you're probably totally having a boy :)
ReplyDeleteBut, I have the same fear!! With my daughter, I psyched myself up that I was having a boy, because I didn't want to be disappointed when I found out....I was so relieved when it was a girl! I cannot at all imagine myself trying to raise a boy!
Umm, yeah, you're probably going to have a boy. :-) I have a friend who really only wanted to have boys...and she just had her first baby, a girl, last night. It's a good thing we'll love our babies no matter what they are, huh? :-)
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing that our bodies can be so intuitive ... better have a couple of blue things on hand :) And I agree with Michelle ... you'll love whoever you end up with ... with all your heart ... again! :)
ReplyDeleteLOL, you are so funny. When I was pregnant all I could imagine was being a mom to a little girl. I felt like I "knew" without a doubt that it was a boy for the last month or so before really finding out.
ReplyDeleteNow, I really can't imagine having a girl, because being a mom of a boy is all I know as of right now.
God won't give you anything you won't handle. Either way you will be incredibly blessed! :)
I have a pretty good feeling it's going to a boy. And of course I will love ANY baby we are blessed with, but I am scared to death of having a little boy! Stephanie, you encourage me because Hunter is such a sweet boy!
ReplyDeleteI must admit that every reason why you're afraid of having a boy were all of my fears. God gave me a boy first (he's 3) and when I found out I burst into tears of fear instead of being blessed to be having a child. Embarrassing but true. I wound up lovin on my little dude so much that when I became preggie again, it didn't matter the sex. I am blessed to have a 5 month old girl and love every pink filled moment I have with her. Just wanted to say I get your fears but you will end up surprising yourself and be a fantab mommy to a little dude if those are gods plans.
ReplyDeleteYour DH is right... you're being silly! You're a great mom... whether it be to a girl OR a boy. After having 2 boys, I can tell you... they are SO MUCH FUN! I think you'll come to find out that it isn't much of a challenge and it'll bring out a side in you that you didn't even know existed. God is good, but remember that he laughs at our plans... He's got the right one!
ReplyDeleteNicole, you are so right about God having His own plan. I'm gearing up for lots of blue. I have a feeling that is in my future :)
ReplyDeleteI kind of feel the same way about possibly having a girl. Not that I fear it...I;m not afraid to have a girl...I just dont know what to DO with a girl at this point. Haha, I guess its all about God getting us out of our comfort zones.
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