The Couch

When JD and I got engaged, we bought a new couch. At the time, all of my furniture was hand me downs from my mom and grandmother. And while my olive green velvet couch was the envy of Burton St., I longed for something new. Something grown up. Something that hadn't been sat upon by countless random rear ends for the last 30 years.

We found that something while shopping for lamps one afternoon a few months before the wedding. When I saw it, I fell in love. The couch was tailored yet plush. Sophisticated and comfortable. Neutral but stylish with coordinating paisley pillows and armchair. It was perfect. I petted it and feigned all over it while JD tested the comfort level. It seemed to be perfect for us and all I had to do was say, "honey, what do you think?" and we were writing up the ticket for our new living room ensemble. I was elated.

The furniture was delivered about a week later and for several months, it suited our needs perfectly. The couch looked great with our other furniture and decor. It was long which meant my abnormally tall body could lay on it without having to bend my knees or hang my feet off of the end. We really enjoyed our new furniture............ until visitors came over and said terrible things about it.

You see, our couch is really deep. This makes for great lounging, but when you want to sit and talk or, you know, get up off of the couch, it takes some special maneuvering. Being tall, this isn't much of a problem for me, but my 5 ft sister in law basically has to roll her body off of the thing or else she is stuck in the deep, soft cushions that back up to deeper, softer pillows. The couch is basically made of clouds and if comfort's your thing, you will love it. But if you just want to sit down every once in awhile, you will probably hate it like all of our guests.

After 3 years of lying on this couch, the cushions are misshapen and flat. The paisley print that I once loved irritates me. The comfort level is gone because nursing babies requires a little back support and this couch has zero. Because it is made from marshmallows and cumulous cloud formations. 

The bottom line? This couch sucks. But for some strange reason - probably because it is my first piece of "adult" furniture - I am very defensive about it. If someone says something derogatory about our couch, I automatically chime in and say, "oh it might be hard to get up out of but it's very comfortable and WE LOVE IT." It's like having a child that is totally unruly. You know it, everyone else knows it, but as the parent of that child you cannot say anything bad about him/her because they're yours. You make excuses for the child. You try to mention their good traits, but at the end of the day, you're not kidding anyone. That kid needs to be grounded and we have a lousy couch. Let's just call a spade a spade.

I'm at the point where I can admit that I hate the couch, but I don't know how long you're supposed to keep furniture before you replace it. Growing up, I slept in the same bed until I got married. I only remember 2 couches in my mom's living room: her country blue one with the mauve accent pillows (1990s) and the hunter green/burgundy plaid one (2000s). Granted we were kind of poor growing up, 3 years still seems like not enough time to get your money's worth out of a couch.

It's to the point where JD says something about how stupid our couch is every day. I try to think of ways to revamp it, but I need to just face it: our couch sucks. I have a friend with the exact same furniture and when she saw a picture of our place, the first thing she said was, "ohmygoodness, don't you hate that couch?" Sigh. Yes okay, I hate the freakin' couch. It's a big, dumb, uncomfortable sorry excuse for a piece of furniture. But until I can figure out the appropriate lifespan for an expensive couch, we will continue to inconvenience guests with discomfort and awkward sitting arrangements because it is all we have. If anyone is in the market for a lovely, plush, comfortable couch GREAT for lounging, call me!