Facebook: Some of You Are Doing It Wrong

I did a guest blogging post over at Fabulously Unfabulous. Go check out Amanda and read my post below!

I love Facebook, I really do. It's how JD and I got together (we knew each other for 7 years before we dated but Facebook reconnected us). What started out as a way for college students to connect has quickly turned into the biggest online social networking community around. And that is really awesome. But I think some folks are doing it wrong. It has somehow turned into an outlet for everyone to share all of the gory details of their lives with revealing status updates and photo albums filled with placentas, mucous plugs and linea negras. I am totally guilty of the latter, forgive me please. To make it up to you I have deleted all offending pictures.


Facebook has become the ultimate outlet for over-sharing. From the photo albums of full body tattoos to the sexy boudoir pics you gifted your husband with on Valentine's Day, nothing seems to be off limits. Had a snowboarding accident and broke your bone? Post it on Facebook so we can all see what the inside of your body looks like. Your kid just puked all over the kitchen floor and the dog is eating it? Thanks for sharing it in your Mobile Uploads album. Nothing seems to be too personal (or disgusting) to share with the world.

And speaking of photos, what is up with this pose as every one's profile picture?



Ignore my claw-like fingers. And my hair, I didn't dry it today. Also know that it was painful for me to take this picture. I loathe this pose. What the heck is this? A duck-billed platypus? The trout mouth a la Meg Ryan? Please, someone tell me what is the significance of this face and why does every girl have some version of it at least 15 times in their album title Just Me. And also, how is it possible to take this photo of yourself whiling driving your car because that can't be safe? I'm just saying.


Remember the old days of Facebook when you had a drop down menu bar with possible status updates? You could choose "Aly is studying," "Aly is working," "Aly is sleeping" and a handful of other generic options. Nowadays, Facebookers are getting way too personal and in depth with their statuses. Every day I log on and see that "Jane woke up, ate breakfast, took a shower but didn't wash her hair, put her pants on one leg at a time like everyone else, went to work, had a snack, went to lunch, came back to work, got fired, went home, walked her dog and is watching the Bachelorette before flossing and going to bed." Or the posts that say "Joe is having a colonoscopy in the morning, thoughts and prayers needed." It's just way too much information for me. I like leaving a little something to the imagination like "Aly has a secret." Actually, I really hate those cryptic posts too because undoubtedly everyone thinks you're pregnant or have some icky medical condition, then send you all of their thoughts and prayers. Maybe a "less is more" mentality should be applied when Facebooking. People just don't need to know that your doctor thinks you need more fiber in your diet to help with your irregularity. Not Facebook people anyways.

If you have  5997 friends, you may not be doing Facebook right. There is no way you can know that many people in real life. Especially if you are posting pictures of your colonoscopy. I have 214 friends and I know/knew them all personally at one time or another in my life. Sometimes I get the random friend request from a friend of a friend and that kind of creeps me out. If we don't know each other, why do you want to look at my page? And pictures of my kid? JD has about double the amount of friends than I do but he's much more social than me. And older.


I love how Facebook turns everyone into a pimp. For yourself. You can pimp your business, your banging new body, your new tattoo, your political agenda, your religious agenda, your pregnancy, your wedding, your divorce, your kid. You are the master of your profile and can let everyone know just how awesome you are with status updates, photos, and youtube links. If we are all pimps, does that mean Facebook is our hoe? Hehehe. If you feel like a pimp, you may not be doing Facebook right.

If your primary reason for joining Facebook is to cyber stalk your ex boyfriend, you may not be doing Facebook right. In your defense though, Facebook makes stalking so easy by suggesting people that you may know to be added as your friend. And if you ignore it, it will be suggested again tomorrow and the next day until you click on your old flame's profile. Once you stalk one old boyfriend you slide down the slippery slope of stalking all of  his friends' walls and photos until you feel fairly certain that his life sucks and you made the right decision dumping him during sophomore year. Then you update your profile and albums to be certain that anyone stalking you knows how awesome you truly are. It's all about strategy.

Something as awesome as Facebook should be censored a tad by everyone posting platypus trout mouth profile pictures while driving to work and relaying the details of their pap smears. Pimp yourself with class. And if I never have to see another photo of a broken toe with yellow ooze coming from the toenail ever again, I will be a happy Facebooker once more. Less is more folks, less is more.