Tuesday, March 20, 2012


When I was a little girl, I dreamed about turning 16. I couldn't wait to drive, get a job, and have a boyfriend. It was going to be awesome. Sure enough, my 16th birthday delivered. I drove, I got a job, and I had a boyfriend. It was awesome. Then I couldn't wait to turn 18. I could vote, go to college, and be an adult. That birthday was pretty spectacular too, but soon I was itching to turn 21. No more restrictions! I could drink what I wanted, go where I wanted, and be a person in her 20s. That birthday rolled around and it was everything I dreamed it would be.

Every birthday since then has been, meh. My 20s seemed to drag on even though I accomplished quite a lot and went through the most life changes (marriage, babies, relocating). The only birthday left to anticipate was one I wasn't too excited about: 30. 30 seems so old. It seems like the beginning of mom jeans and gray hair and minivans. Shudder. I'm not ready for 30. For all I care, 30 can wait around for a couple more years when I feel more like a 30-something.

I turned 30 today. Sigh.

Honestly, I'm not as bummed about this birthday as I'm leading on. It was really no big deal turning the big 3 - 0. I don't feel any older or wiser or grayer. I feel like me. With kids and a husband and financial stress. Has anyone seen my minivan? And maybe that's why I was sweating this birthday: I am not prepared to feel older and wiser and grayer. I'm quite certain I will be an old, wise, gray-headed woman who feels perpetually 25. I don't want to feel old, even if I am. And if 30 feels just like 25, I think I'll be pretty good at it.

Today, I had my first shot at it. My brother and sister in law are visiting and we spent the entire day at the beach frolicking in our 30-something bodies.

Other than the 2 kids I have acquired in the last 2 years, I felt just as I did on my previous milestone birthdays: special, excited, young.

If anything felt different about this birthday, it is the settled feeling I have. At 30, I know my strengths, I'm not ashamed to admit my weaknesses, and I am comfortable in my skin. I don't know that I'm any wiser, but I feel settled in knowing who I am, what I am capable of, and that I'm not afraid to do stuff. Other than feel old. That terrifies me. 

30's not so bad. It feels just like 25. Now if I could only figure out how to not get any older yet live a long life, I will be happy.


  1. Girl...you don't look a DAY over 25 :) I know exactly how you feel though. Something terrifies me about getting older although each year seems to get better and better. We have come a long way, you and I, since our 20's ;) It's a good thing. I love you and wish you the happiest birthday this year and all those to come! It was wonderful to spend time with you during your visit to the south! XOXO

  2. You look beautiful and YOUNG! :) I'm glad that you had a great day at the beach and got to spend it with some of your TN family! It's just a number, don't let it define you. I'm not too far behind.

  3. Happy Birthday! You're beautiful! I turn 30 this year too and I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling these things... your post gives me hope! haha