Do Not Covet Your Neighbor's Roses

We live in a really beautiful community. The lawns are impeccable. The trees are perfectly pruned. The shrubs are hearty and trimmed in all sorts of fun shapes. But the flowers? Oh the flowers are unrivaled. They bloom bigger and brighter on the west coast for some reason. Maybe they like the ocean. I am especially in love with the roses. Everyone has them in their yards and I have to restrain myself from snipping off a few blooms when I walk past. I have a serious case of flower envy because everyone's roses look great except for ours. And I don't know what to do about it.

I wouldn't say that I have a black thumb, but I don't know much about rose bushes. I'm not sure how to revive the 2 sorry plants we have. Do they like sunlight? Lots of water? Fertilizer? How do you prune one? It's all so confusing!!!! Something must be done because the state of our plants is a sad one.

These are my neighbors roses.

Beautiful, right? And they keep blooming.


These are my roses.

Pathetic. I have 2 sorry blooms on an almost dead plant. Oh the shame!

I need horticultural help here, people! They must be transplanted, but that's as far as my plan has gotten. What can you tell me about growing enviable roses? I'm embarrassed by my plants and I'm pretty sure stealing your neighbor's rose bush is frowned upon in the state of California. I just want roses that my neighbors want to steal. Is that too much to ask?