Some Updates

JD is not 100% okay with this blog. He is fine with the silly ramblings I write and the self-deprecating humor, but when it comes to sharing information about our family, it makes him uncomfortable. We watch a lot of Dateline and 48 Hours Mystery so we automatically think of worst case scenarios for almost every scenario we find ourselves in. He imagines perverts checking out our pictures and stalkers hijacking our personal info with each new entry. I really have to censor what I post on here to keep him comfy and maintain a little bit of our privacy. 

I get this face when he feels that I have over-shared.

But not divulging everything is really hard. I'm a sharer. I like sharing our life, I like sharing my feelings. Of course there are certain boundaries I will never cross as a blogger (like writing about marital relations or posting the cutest naked hiney pics of my toddler), but there is a certain level of intimacy we share as a blogging community that makes it difficult to not talk/write to you all like we're old friends. People "know" us and want to know about our lives. I get emails and Facebook messages from readers wanting more info (hopefully) because they care and not because they are psychos. Psychos, kindly click the red X in the corner of your computer screen and never come back, thank you. Some degree of opening up is expected when you put yourself out there in blog land. I am trying to find the balance in that. Bear with me. And I'm totally in trouble for posting that picture of angry JD up there. Big trouble. 

The Move

We are on track to move in 5 more weeks, however there is a small possibility that we may be delayed a few weeks. This has made planning our move impossible. We don't know when we will be moving so we can't schedule the movers, plan the nursery, or buy my plane ticket. Not knowing when to move is only the beginning of the fun. We cannot select our new insurance until JD starts his job and without a concrete start date, we can't select doctors. I have no idea where I am having this baby or who will be assisting me. We are at a complete stand still. Sounds wonderful, huh?

The House

After nearly 6 months on the market with tons of activity and no offers, we decided to rent. 3 days after I placed the ad, we had 2 qualified applicants fighting over our place. We selected tenants and they are moving in August. I met them yesterday and they are awesome. We hugged. I feel a huge sense of peace about renting and having these tenants take care of our place for the next few years. I am stoked. 

The Baby

I have no idea where to have Penelope. With the insurance fiasco, we will be starting over with new coverage once JD begins his new job. That means we have to meet all of our deductibles anew. If we go in 5 weeks, I will be 35 weeks pregnant. If we are delayed, I will be further than that. We are debating whether or not it will be best for me to stay behind and have her here with plenty of help from family or me go on to California with JD and have her out there. Either way, it is going to be expensive and cost us a bazillion dollars. I have absolutely no peace with either scenario, not because of the finances, but because I want to be with JD. But I also want to be with our family. I want it all, okay. Beatrice will go wherever I go, of course.

The Bright Side

This move has been the biggest lesson in patience and waiting on God. We have absolutely no control at this point. We cannot make even the smallest of decisions because we don't have all of the information. All we know is that this season of our lives is moving forward as if it were being powered by something bigger than us. Some might say that would be the government, but I like to believe it is God. We have been praying that God open the right doors for us and make the crooked paths straight. While it is kind of scary, it is pretty liberating to just sit back and let God make the next move for us. I am nervous and excited, but ultimately have a hope that cannot be shaken that my God has plans to prosper us and make a way where there seems to be no way. 

That about sums most of it up. We have been busy doing the things that we can, like changing banks and insurance companies to national branches. We have been spending lots of time with family and we have been doing our best to imagine ourselves completely settled and ready for Penelope, wherever we are. 

Beatrice has been up to a lot too these days, but she deserves her own post. It has to do with tractors and skinny dipping and peepeeing on the potty. Can you hardly wait?

30 Weeks

I am convinced that Penelope is 2 feet tall. Either than or my abdomen is shrinking as time goes on because there is no other explanation for what it feels like inside my belly these days. For about 18 hours a day, I have feet in my ribs, elbows under my hip bones, and a head on my bladder. This morning I woke up feeling like my pelvic bone was cracked, she was so low and heavy. I keep telling JD that it feels like the baby is going to fall out. He says if that happens, something is seriously wrong with my plumbing. I agree, but I can't explain the sensation of carrying a giant baby with a serious case of restless leg syndrome any other way. I just hope she waits 10 more weeks before she falls out.

Stats


Weight gain: I think I've gained 2 more pounds. In a moment of feeling sorry for myself, I told JD how unfair it is that I've gained so much when all I eat is fruit and dessert. I eat way more fruit, just so you know. He says there should be emphasis on the dessert. I say he should mind his own beeswax.
Stretch marks: Just the one stupid one I found last week on my rib. Stupid stretch mark.
Movement: See above. While I'm certain Penelope is very sweet and precious in every way, she really has no respect for her mother's comfort at this point in the pregnancy.
Cravings: Popsicles. Oh my goodness, I eat them 2 at a time. Not 2 in my mouth at once, that would be weird. 1 right after the other. And they are only 35 calories each so I don't feel terrible about eating multiple popsicles a day. I consider them fruit and not dessert, by the way.
Sleep: Terrible. I have trouble falling asleep because of the sciatic nerve pain in my lower back, then I wake up once an hour for the rest of the night due to not being able to breathe because I have rolled onto my back. There is a nerve or blood vessel or artery that gets smooshed in pregnancy and causes some women to not be able to breathe when lying on their back. I am one of those women. I literally wake up gasping and heaving for air. Oh, and let's discuss the leg cramps and Charlie horses that plague me all night. Those are not awesome. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I take it all out on my husband. In the middle of the night. He did this to me after all. JD is really fond of this part of pregnancy...
Best moment this week: Despite all of the complaining in this post, I am really enjoying this pregnancy. It is such a miracle to grow a baby and every bit of pain and discomfort is worth it.
Gender: Girl.
Labor signs: Other than feeling like she's going to fall out of me, none.
What I miss: A good night's sleep.
What I'm looking forward to: Planning Penelope's nursery. More to come.
Weekly wisdom: My body is capable of amazing things. I am wonderfully made.
Milestones: Less than 70 days until I have 2 under 2!

I don't have any photos of JD and me with this giant belly so I am using this one from our weekend, plus my back hurts too much to go upstairs and take my usual awkward self portrait in our bathroom mirror. Ignore the look on his face. He likes to aggravate me when all I ever want is a nice picture of us. And I'm awkward with awkwardly placed hands just because I'm awkward. Anyway, here we are. Very awkward parents to be.

Let Us Pray

When I asked her what she prayed for, she said "Elmo." When I asked her why, she said that God didn't like Elmo. Before bed tonight, she prayed for meow meows and Jesus. Sister has praying down.

Regret

I hate the notion that there are no regrets in life, that every life experience has strengthened or taught the person something. I have done a lot of things that I regret in my life. Everything I have done that I regret has been a bad decision. There were no learning experiences to be had in my checkered past, just regretful mistakes. Like that time I begged my mom to let me perm my bangs and leave the rest of my hair straight. That was a bad decision. The crazy all candy diet I went on in college, absolutely nothing to learn there. Going on a credit card shopping binge in my twenties, nothing but stupid and destructive. And really expensive. I try to live in a way that I won't make huge, regrettable mistakes anymore.

But sometimes I just use bad judgment and don't know that it will be a bad decision until it's too late. Sometimes I don't think about the consequences and end up wishing that I had sought counsel before acting on my impulses. Sometimes there is so much chocolate involved and everything else gets blurry. Sometimes I ignore all common sense and just go with my animal instinct. Sometimes I make this:

That's the ultimate chocolate chip cookie double stuffed oreo brownie bar. Also known as the biggest regret of my life, today anyway. It is rich, it is over the top, it is never going to happen again. I am wrapping it up and giving it to friends and family as soon as I awaken from the sugar coma I am currently in. Don't be like me.

I'm Over It

Our dishwasher is on the fritz. It started out only cleaning the dishes on the bottom rack, then the bottom rack dishes failed to come clean. Now after hand washing the dishes before loading them into the dishwasher, all the dishes come out dirty no matter which rack they were on. This is not how dishwashers are supposed to operate, or so I've been told.

This didn't bother me at first. I like washing dishes. It's one of those chores that leaves me feeling accomplished because I can see the progress happening as I work. It's gratifying, in the way that household chores can sometimes be. I like washing dishes so much that I often volunteer to wash other people's too. I have spent many hours hand washing mountains of dirty dishes at old boyfriends' apartments. Too many, actually. Come to think of it, I have dated a lot of slobs. JD was the first boyfriend I had that didn't have moldy, crusty plates littering his countertops every time I came over. It's how I knew he was The One. 


But now, after 3 days of no dishwasher, I'm over hand washing our plates and bowls and glasses and sippy cups and forks and snack cups. We go through a lot of dishes in a day. So many, it requires several sink-fulls of soapy water several times a day. My hands are raw, my back is sore, my countertops are cluttered with drying dishes, and there are way more dirty dishtowels than I'm comfortable with. On the flip side, my rings are the sparkliest they have ever been. I miss my dishwasher. Tomorrow we are going to purchase a new dishwasher. One that we'll only get to enjoy for a month or so, but the new tenants will love it. Have I mentioned that we're renting our place? No? Well, we're renting our place. Yay us! Tomorrow cannot come soon enough.

Liars Go To Hell

When I was a kid, my mom told me that liars go to hell. This seems a little harsh to tell a small child, but in her defense, it is what the Bible says about liars. I'm assuming this was to make me think twice about lying. It worked because to this day, lying is the WORST thing I think a person can do. I never lie. I make a lot of mistakes, but lying is not one of them.

Okay, that was a lie. But I strive really, really hard to always be a beacon of truth. Sometimes I struggle. And sometimes I get caught in tiny, little untruths. And I realize that maybe I should heed my mother's warning. Lest hell awaits me - eek!

JD is a creature of habit. He likes what he likes and saying he is reluctant to try new things is a huge understatement. Getting the man to try brussel sprouts is nearly impossible, but convincing him to try a different brand of syrup is just unthinkable. You see, JD loves Aunt Jemima syrup. He loves waffles and pancakes with lots of Aunt Jemima, enough to lick off the plate when the food is gone like a small boy or dog would. Back off ladies, he's all mine. I want to buy real maple syrup. The kind that is harvested from trees in Vermont, but that stuff costs nearly $15 for a few measly ounces so it's the fake stuff for us.

A few months ago, I compared the generic store brand's fake syrup to the Aunt Jemima syrup. They were identical in every way, except in price. The store brand was half as much. So I did what any thrifty shopper would do: I bought the cheaper fake syrup. But then I remembered that there was no way that my husband would willingly eat it, let alone lick it off a plate if he knew that it wasn't Aunt Jemima. I was in quite the predicament. I came up with the perfect solution. I poured the store brand syrup into the empty Aunt Jemima bottle. And buried the impostor syrup bottle at the bottom of the trash to be sure I wouldn't be found out. And for nearly 6 months, we have lived in fake syrup harmony with JD none the wiser to my little deception.

Until today. In Matthew chapter 10, Jesus warns that what happens in the dark will come to the light. Basically, whatever you try to conceal will be found out. I always thought of this when politicians' infidelities made it to the news. I never thought about my syrup lie, but boy did I get found out! JD was helping me unload the millions of dollars of groceries I just bought when he discovered the generic syrup. He immediately looked at me and said, "this has to be for Beatrice because I know you don't expect me to eat this crap." While I am capable of switching syrup bottles around to save a few bucks, I cannot lie directly to someone's face. So I laughed. JD did not. "Honey, I have a confession....." and for the next few minutes, I disclosed the full details of my syrup fraud to him while he stood there, shaking his head back and forth, realizing the total betrayal he had endured at the hands of his wife. He was mad. He still is mad. Trust has been breached and we have a lot of work to do on our marriage. Not really, but it works for this story so just go with it. 

The good news is he is now fully aware that all fake syrup tastes the same (icky) and I can buy the generic stuff without the fear of getting caught. I have learned my lesson though. It is not worth it to lie or be untruthful to my spouse. Trust, even when it comes to syrup, is a vital component in marriage. And until we can afford the real Vermont stuff, I am just going to be honest with my family about the kind of syrup that we can afford to eat. Because lying is not worth it. And I don't want to go to hell over syrup.

29 Weeks

It is hot. Really stinkin hot. Too hot to do much of anything outside as a human without another human living inside, so being a human with another human living inside kind of limits outside activities even more. Beatrice really likes going outside. Poor girl stands by the door and begs to go "side" several times a day. So we do a lot of swimming and floating in the pool. It's about all I can handle in this heat.

I was talking with my sister in law today about being pregnant in the summer. It's all I've ever known since both of my pregnancies occurred in the hottest season of the year. While it is really uncomfortable and HOT, there are some perks to gestating this time of year. For instance, you never have to suck anything in at the pool and you can wear flip flops without anyone really noticing your swollen feet and cankles since everyone else is wearing them too. Plus hello, popsicles.

Stats:


Weight gain: Eh, I hate this part. I had my official weigh in at the doctor last week. It was not good. Her scale registered 2 lbs heavier than my home scale. I promptly reported this to both her and the nurse and they told me to go with the home scale number. Hallelujah! Home scale says I've gained 25 lbs. Her scale is the devil.
Stretch marks: YES! On my side, near my rib cage. Just one though and it's pretty small, but it better not invite its friends.
Movement: More than ever, she is wild!
Cravings: Fruit. I ate half of a huge watermelon all by myself today. Oh, and this.
Sleep: Really good. It's my favorite part of the day.
Best moment this week: Finally giving up my anxiety about the insurance fiasco we are facing and the stress of having a baby weeks after a huge cross country move. I gave it to God and now I can breathe.
Gender: Girl. Sweet, sweet girl.
Labor signs: None.
What I miss: Cooler temps.
What I'm looking forward to: Moving! Let's get on with it already!!
Weekly wisdom: I always knew the scales at the doctor's office were evil, now I have proof.
Milestones: Penelope weighs approximately 2.5 lbs so the weight gain this week is all baby! At least that's what I'm telling myself. 


A headless photo: