I Hate Nature

So, my roses decided to be awesome. They are blooming and thriving and I can see the neighbors envying them.

Pretty, right?

Well, because they are so pretty, I have been snipping the blooms every day to bring into the house. Little bud vases are placed around my house with clusters of my enviable roses. I'm quite proud and feel really fancy having fresh flowers anytime I want them.

Everything was going great until last week. I was snipping away at my rose bushes, collecting blooms, when I noticed tiny bugs crawling on the flowers. I hate bugs. I hate all creepy crawlies. I hate all animals that aren't furry. Because of my hatred, I freak out. I quickly brought the bug-infested roses inside to wash.

As I was filling up the sink, a giant scorpion-like creature crawled out from in between the petals. I FREAKED OUT. I managed to throw the creature and rose into the sink where I violently sprayed water and ran the disposal. I placed the drain cover thing on top of the drain and didn't take it off for several hours in case the scorpion creature lived through the drowning and grinding. I hate bugs.

I have a new ritual when collecting blooms for my house now. I snip. I shake. I submerge. I inspect and repeat if necessary.

I realize this is a ridiculous process, but I really want fresh flowers in my house. And for nature to stay out of my house.

Side note: the scorpion-like bug was not a scorpion, but a pincher bug. Eek! 2 have made it inside. 2 have died via drowning/grinding.
Side note 2: as I was writing this blog, a FREAKING LIZARD crawled into my house through the side door. 
Side note 3: we are moving ASAP.