She Grew Up

Sometime during the last 5 weeks, my big baby grew up. She says her alphabet, she counts to 10, she uses proper pronouns. Next month, she will be 2. Beatrice grew up. See for yourself.

She calls me Mom. Not Mommy or Mama. Mom. Like a teenager. It's so cute, I really don't mind. Much.

She doesn't need me to put on her shoes or button her jeans. She picks out her own hair bows and asks me to give her ponytails. She loves going to restaurants. She butters her own bread. She's grown up now.

She is starting to call things their proper names instead of the cute baby words she has been using for the past year. Cats are no longer meow-meows and butterflies are no longer buzziebyes. She is a big girl.

She is sassy and smart. She tells jokes and laughs at ours.

She narrates car rides with the sights that we see. She loves Chuck E. Cheese's. She is a big kid now.

Where was I when this happened???

All You Need Is Mouthwash

JD left for California yesterday. He took with him the last of our stuff. For the last 2 months, we have been living at my brother and sister in law's house. Except for some clothes and baby gear, we have been using their stuff. Sheets, furniture, kitchenware, towels, you name it, we are borrowing it. If you're new here or haven't been keeping up, our move to California got delayed AFTER we rented our townhouse, so my brother graciously offered his spare bedrooms to us. Yesterday, JD packed his car to the brim with the last of the toiletries, clothes, and odd and ends that belonged to us. He even took the mouthwash.

Using other people's stuff is pretty weird at first, but after the initial feeling of missing your own stuff wears off, you realize that very little is actually required to live comfortably. I never thought that I could manage without my full wardrobe to choose from or that life would be complete without my impressive collection of kitchen gadgets (my sister in law doesn't have a garlic press or meat mallet - gasp!). Being forced to store the majority of our belongings in boxes due to space issues (and the whole moving thing), I have discovered that most of our stuff isn't necessary for a happy life, or life at all. Basically, I have learned that all anyone needs is underwear, deodorant, and mouthwash. Man, I miss that mouthwash. Why did I let JD take it?


What got left behind is my pitiful maternity wardrobe (I still have a ton of weight to lose), my makeup, my computer (with internet thanks to my iPhone), my iPhone, my car, and the girls' clothes/blankets/loveys. We are borrowing pack n plays, baby papasan chairs, and booster seats. And you know what? It's plenty. Of course we have access to the comforts of my brother's home, but our only belongings are more than enough to sustain our lives comfortably.

I am totally inspired to really clean out and minimize our stuff when I get to California. Less is actually more when it comes to stuff. Although I will admit, I can't wait to jump into our king bed and have access to more options than black or brown flip flops. Oh, and the mouthwash. I really need my mouthwash.

How I Feel Now

On Monday, JD leaves for California. He is driving across the country and plans to be there by the end of the week. The girls and I will follow in 2 short weeks.

Remember when I wrote about how excited I was to move? Well that changed as soon as I had Penelope. Having 2 babies is harder than I imagined. I am blessed to have my mom live 15 minutes away to come play with my babies while I nap, shower, or nap. I love meeting up with my brothers and sisters in law for dinner and s'mores around a bonfire on Friday nights. Impromptu coffee dates with friends at Starbucks are little luxuries I am lucky to have. All of that is about to change though. We are moving to a place where we know no one and won't have any help with the girls. We are moving to a place that I'm not so sure I want to go to anymore.

I have been pretty good about hiding these feelings for the past 4 weeks. Can you believe Penelope is 4 weeks old already? Eek! Time flies when you're having fun! But as the countdown nears closer and closer to moving day, I can't seem to hide my tears feelings anymore. I am sad. I have never lived away from my immediate family before and as much as I like to think of myself as an independent person, I am realizing that I have taken for granted how wonderful it is to live in the same town as everyone I love. Can someone please tell me how I will live without my mom??? 

Spending every holiday with my brothers has been a gift that I never thought I would miss and honestly, never thought I would have it any other way. Watching my babies play with their grandparents is such a sweet thing and something that I now feel really guilty about taking away from them. I guess I am realizing how much I am going to miss everyone and how afraid I am that life is going to go on without us. Eventually, my brothers will have some babies of their own and my mom will have new grandbabies to love on. Christmases for them will be full of inside jokes and old traditions while we make new memories, just the 4 of us. They will continue to meet for Friday night dinners while we do our thing 2500 miles away. To say that I am sad is an understatement. I might be a little devastated.

But, (thank God there is always a "but") I know that this is an adventure for our family that is completely orchestrated by God. We have prayed for this opportunity for 3 years and watching doors open up for us that were prayed about years ago is pretty cool. Despite my sadness, I know that God will get me through the loneliness and sorrow about leaving my family for the first time in my life. I just keep looking on the bright side like how awesome the weather is going to be and how much stuff there is to do in Los Angeles. But really, I'm afraid if I start crying, I'll never stop. I'd like to blame the postpartum hormones on some of this, but I'm pretty sure I just don't want to move. 


In 2 more weeks I get to see what I'm made of. I can either put my big girl panties on and tackle this move with strength and poise or turn into a puddle of weakness and tears. I'm betting on a little bit of both. We shall see.

A Really Great Story About Something

I have a really great story to tell. A few actually. They are witty and thought provoking, smart and hilarious. The only problem is I can't remember them. Everyday I think of the perfect blog post to write, but when I get a chance to sit down and write it, I decide to take a nap instead. Then I wake up and nurse a baby, play with a toddler, cook for a husband, and try to stay awake until bedtime. When I get another chance to write it, I decide to take a nap again. The cycle just continues with me thinking of awesome blogs to write, but deciding to nap instead. And in the rare moments that I feel rested enough to skip the sacred nap, I can't remember the awesome, witty, thought provoking story I was going to write. Sigh. 


That is what has happened with this post. I have been wracking my brain for the past hour trying to remember all of the interesting stories I wanted to share, but I can't remember a darn thing. Not a single, tiny snippet of a story that I once thought to be interesting enough to share with you all. Nothing. Nada. Nil. Plus I'm really tired and want to crawl into bed so my brain is not functioning at maximum capacity right now. Can I just ramble instead? Yes? Good.

I think I am starting to get the hang of having 2 kids. Penelope is sleeping more at night and I am happy to report that approximately 2 nights in the last 3.5 weeks have yielded 7+ hours of uninterrupted sleep for me. That means I wake up feeling semi refreshed and rested. I still require an afternoon nap everyday though. On the few days that I have opted to skip the nap, I have really, really regretted it. Nursing zaps me. Plus naps are freaking awesome. They really are.

It has only been 3.5 weeks since Penelope surged into this world from my loins, but it feels like she has always been with us. The other night, JD asked me if I remembered when it was just us and Beatrice. I had to think about it for a good minute and, I kind of don't remember. Penelope fits right in our little family so perfectly, it's hard to remember life without her. She is the sweetest, cutest, cuddliest little baby ever. I love her.

Because I can't remember the point of this post and feel as though I could ramble on forever, I'm going to wrap this up with some photos from Penelope's newborn session. I figure it is a fine way to end a post about nothing. Plus you get to see some beautiful pictures of a precious newborn. Plus plus I really want to go to bed. Until next week when I decide to stay up late to write about nothing again, enjoy these photos of our little family.

Two Under Two

Hi everyone. Remember me? I used to have a blog that I updated regularly. I also used to shower in the mornings and sleep longer than 2 hours at a time. I used to be a semi put together mom. Now I am a hot mess. I never feel rested and I lack big time in the hygiene department. I am a mom of a newborn. And a toddler. At once. I have 2 kids under 2. And it is HARD.

Sigh.

Remember when I wrote this? Well, I was on to something. When I wrote that, I didn't have a clue how hard it would be to manage 2 little ones at the same time. I still don't know how I'm going to manage it now that it is my reality. I'm tired. I'm emotional. I'm a little discouraged. I feel like I won't ever get the hang of it. And as each day passes with me still not getting the hang of it, I feel like the biggest loser ever.

Sigh.

It doesn't help that everyone I talk to with more than 1 child says the same thing to me. Everyone tells me that it doesn't get easier. Seriously? Can't 1 person tell me that it's a piece of cake after the baby turns 2 weeks old??? Pretty please? I keep hearing stories of endless exhaustion, a lifetime of showers after 3pm, and running late to every appointment for the next 18 years. That sounds really awful to this former semi put together mom. I need a glimmer of hope that I will get the hang of 2 kids at once before the baby is weaned. Showers before 10am are critical to my sanity. And the general population's air quality. For reals.

Right now, I am relying on the help that I get from JD. He is on paternity leave for the next 4 weeks, thank the Lord. I am also coming to terms that I can't do it all right now. I am doing as much as I can and tending to both girls' needs as best as I can, but I'm not beating myself up when I am overwhelmed. And I pray. A lot. And cry. A little. Okay a lot. But I'm blaming the hormones on that.

Anyone want to tell me it's gets easier sooner than later? For these guys' sake?