Thursday, March 24, 2011

My Life's Work

I got a new Cricut Expression machine for my birthday. It's really awesome because I am so crafty and now, the creative possibilities are endless. I love stationery and personalized anything. For my first project, I made these notecards.


























They are very rough, but cute huh? JD asked me what I was going to do with them and I told him "write thank you notes, duh." He doesn't get my love for arts and crafts and paper. I can't really explain it, but there's something about having an idea come to life with raw materials and my hands that makes me giddy.


When I was in college and trying to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up, a mentor asked me what I used to play when I was a child. His theory was that whatever we liked as children would be an indication of our natural abilities/preferences for later in life. I thought and thought and while I had hoped to remember a childhood spent pretending to be a doctor or missionary or something worthwhile to the world, the only thing I remembered playing was house. I was the mom, my brother was the dad/child depending on how I felt that day, and we made some mean mud pies in the backyard. That didn't really help me with college application forms. "Well, what were you really good at? What came naturally to you?" he probed. That was easy; making stuff. Besides some awesome mud pies, I made awesome everything. I painted, I drew, I wrote, I made Indian villages out of Play Doh and let them dry in the sun. I was a creative being and when one outlet felt stale, I found inspiration in another.

After some soul searching, I decided to study something that I loved and would leave my professional future in God's hands. I studied English Lit and loved every minute of it. If there was a career that required going to class and studying words and grammar and writing, that's what I wanted to be. Since there's not, I just did really well in school and hoped to use my degree when I got out.

After some years working as an office manager, I settled it in my heart that I would probably never use my degree. I was comfortable in my job and my love of words and writing was somewhat appeased in my day to day duties at the office. But I never felt truly inspired or fulfilled, I never felt like I was doing my life's work or calling.

It's funny how having a child can make you reevaluate everything in your life. Here I am, home all day with a toddler, and little opportunity to flex my intellectual muscles. But I am more content than I have ever been in my life. I have the freedom to create and make stuff and I do it because I love it. I'm not exactly getting rich off of my newest endeavors, but that's why JD comes in handy. He makes the money, I make everything else. 

I'm beginning to realize that one's life work is not as concrete as one might imagine. I am learning that wherever you are in God's plan, your work can be important, meaningful even. My job as mother and housewife is probably not benefitting any of you, but for this season our family relies on me and my skills. It's cool how God can use you where you are and use the special talents that you have to make that place a little more awesome and purposeful.

Right now, I am in a place of making things. It's probably a fleeting place since I will have my hands full with 2 little ones in a few months. I'm also in a place of being a mommy. It is often lonely and thankless and routine, but it is a precious season that I am blessed to be in. My current place is not glamourous or in high demand, but it is purposeful and and I am thankful to have found myself here. It is my life's work. Now, I must remember to send God a thank you card...

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

29

I turned 29 on Sunday.

Every year for as long as I can remember, I have always thought up something crazy to ask for for my birthday. Like kittens or skydiving or an extravagant weekend shopping trip to NYC. I never wanted something normal or practical like a sweater or a pair of sensible shoes. For years, I would use my birthday as a way to indulge in the fabulous, ridiculous things in life and make my friends join me in the extravagance.

That changed when I had children. Instead of wanting things for myself, now I ask for things for the family. Plus, I'm at a place in my life where I really can't think of a single thing that I need. What a blessing to not have a single need or want, yay God! This year, all I wanted was to go to one of those pottery painting places with JD and Beatrice. So we did.

































































































































































































































Somebody loved painting. Daddy got into it too.


























We painted a deviled egg dish. We actually needed one of those so not only is it a symbol of our love, it's also practical. Behold, our egg love dish.


























It was a great weekend. I wish I could share some big revelation about being older and wiser and blah blah blah, but I got nothing. The only significant change I feel this year is a desire to know God more and live a life that pleases Him everyday. I'd say that is pretty practical advice no matter how old you are. Oh, and I want to show these people how much I love them too.


























I like knowing that I have matured into a person that gains more from watching others enjoy things than a person who indulges selfishly. I'm sure my friends and family are pretty stoked about that too. One can only get so many kittens or ridiculous weekend excursions for their birthday before people start talking about you.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

18 Weeks

Today is my birthday. This is the second time I have been pregnant on my birthday. Being pregnant on your birthday is pretty great considering you get to eat lots of cake and no one judges you. Also, there is the whole miracle growing inside of you that is pretty cool too. This birthday is especially special because there are many exciting changes taking place for our little family in the near future. Baby #2 is one of them.

Stats


Weight gain: I'm not going there. I'm not keeping anything from you, I seriously don't want to go there so I refuse to weigh. Too. Much. Cake. Plus, I am insatiably hungry. So, I'm not going there.
Stretch marks: Nope.
Movements: Lots and lots.
Cravings: Salads and cake.
Sleep: Wonderful.
Best moment this week: Receiving my maternity jeans and discovering the wonder that is stretch denim with a demi panel for expanding bellies. Heaven.
Gender: I dreamed that we circumcised the baby....I have a feeling, this is purely a hunch, that this baby is a boy.
Labor signs: Earlier this week, I thought I was leaking amniotic fluid. It turns out it was just pee. Pregnancy is fun.
Belly button: In.
What I miss: Eating a normal amount of food and staying full for longer than an hour.
What I'm looking forward to: Finding out the sex in 2 more weeks! Squee!
Weekly wisdom: God is in control and has plans to prosper me. Hallelujah.
Milestones: People notice that I'm pregnant now.

A photo for the record.

Hello, Lover

These days, this is my pant situation:


So I ordered these maternity jeans. They arrived yesterday and they are FABULOUS. Have you ever worn maternity jeans? No? Me either. With Beatrice, I lived in yoga pants and the 1 pair of ugly, overpriced maternity pants I bought from a big named chain maternity clothing store. They were matronly and not fashionable in the least. I decided this time, I would at least try to maintain some sense of style. My new jeans are not only super cute, they are COMFORTABLE. They are a little big right now, but I know that any day when my bum catches up with my belly they're gonna fit just right.

Remember when I said that jeggings were proof that God loves me? Well, maternity jeans just reinforced that love. Not only are they comfortable and cute, they are promised to grow with me. Wins all around! There is no muffin top, no tight crotch cutting in that happens when your body gets too big for your jeans, no unsightly FUPA. Just style and comfort. I am so in love with these lovelies that I plan on wearing them even when I'm not pregnant. Don't knock it until you try them.

Now if you will excuse me, I have some unhindered lounging to do in my new comfy pants.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Mommy Stuff

I've been spending a lot more time with Beatrice lately. Not more time, per se, because that would require more hours in a day. We already spend every day, all day together. But I'm usually intermittently plugged into my phone or computer throughout the day. I am rarely completely present with her with my undivided attention. And not because I get bored or would rather do something else, but there are household things to be done and honestly, mommyhood can be pretty mundane. Plugging into the outside world is a tiny little break that I need most days.

But lately, I have been leaving my phone on the charger and keeping my laptop closed. It dawned on me not too long ago that these moments with just Beatrice and me are fleeting. Soon there will be a new baby requiring my attention and my old baby will no longer have her mommy to herself. This makes me a little sad.

I don't know what it is about my first child that makes me feel guilty about having another one. If I had to guess, it's thinking about all of the ways that I learned by trial and error with Beatrice. I remember countless nights of rocking her tiny little baby self to sleep, just crying and apologizing for not knowing how to be a better mommy. She was oblivious, snoozing away at my boovie while I sobbed like a baby thinking of all the ways I had probably already screwed her up. Baby #2 will have it so much easier because I already know what to do (and what not to do) because of Beatrice.

All of this has made me really want to soak up the last few months of our time alone. Of course I cannot wait to have new baby and I know Beatrice will be a perfect big sister, but it makes my mommy heart sad to know that the sweet little girl that made me a mommy is going to have to share me when I haven't always given her my undivided attention. So for now, we are having breakfast dates alone at Cracker Barrel (hello blueberry pancakes) and walks to the park and lots of reading time without my phone interrupting us. She loves it. And so do I. I want to be the best mommy I can be. And really, who could resist spending precious one on one time with this face?











































































Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Spring Has Sprungeth

 In my part of the country, Mother Nature is a bit schizophrenic. Just when one season seems to have settled in for the long haul, a cold blast/heat wave/snowstorm/drought hits and throws a wrench in proper wardrobe planning. Winter has been holding strong since December complete with lots of snow, ice, and freezing temps. We had a few sunny days here and there in February that brought the promise of a Spring thaw, but they were quickly overshadowed by more snow and higher heating bills. But now that we're halfway into March? I think Spring has sprung.
























































































Trees are in bloom. The birds have returned from Mexico or Florida or wherever they migrate to during the Winter. Seasonal allergies are flaring up and bugs are flying around attached to each other in a way that makes me think they are doing it. I think it's safe to say that we are officially headed toward Spring.

Living in this part of the country allows for us to not only experience every season, we also live in tornado alley and the threat of twisters are a weekly fear for us. Spring is the worst time for those terrifying windy beasts. To date, I have taken cover in the downstairs coat closet twice (in the middle of the night, I might add) and once in my mom's bathroom. While Spring is undoubtedly one of our more beautiful seasons, it is also the scariest.

You know what is the opposite of scary? Having your baby girl pick her first flower and give it to her mama.















It was one of those dandelion weed flowers, but a flower nonetheless. I totally remember picking these for my mom when we were kids and presenting them to her like we had just given her rare orchids. We had no idea they were weeds and stinky and not pretty. She would put them in a paper cup of water and thank us for her bouquet. It was special for us as kids so when Beatrice picked hers and gave it to me, I made her reenact the whole scene so I could capture it on memory stick. She loved all of the fuss I was making over her picking the flower and giving it me that she did it over and over and over again. It was a special moment for me. The weed flower has already wilted (I didn't have a paper cup vase), but I am saving it in her baby book. My first weed flower bouquet. Oh happy heart.

New sandals for tiny toes surely means that Spring has sprung, right? Someone needs their first pedicure.


























How about burgers on the grill? Springy? No, it's more of a Summer thing? Well, when you have a beautiful evening with weed flower bouquets, horny bugs, and blooming trees, sometimes lighting the grill and throwing meat on it is the right thing to do. Trust me on this.






































Spring has sprung all right. And just in time.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

17 Weeks

I'm late on this post - sorry. We were busy all weekend with real estate showings and zoo outings and church and springing forward and napping. It was exhausting. I am feeling pretty good. There is not much to report other than my belly is bigger. I'm sleeping pretty lousy (all of that peeing in the middle of the night). And I'm struggling with terrible heartburn. Meh.

Beatrice has had a cold for a week now. She has been pretty good considering she doesn't feel well. But during the difficult, whiny moments, I catch myself wondering if I can handle 2 at once. Did I really think this through? What will it be like to have a newborn and a 2 year old? Can I do it? Obviously, there is no turning back now, but I can't help but wonder if I have what it takes to mommy 2 little ones simultaneously. I am pretty good at doing other things simultaneously, like walking with both legs and talking while holding a telephone. But 2 kids at once? I may be in over my head.

Stats


Weight gain: No new gain, as far as I know.
Stretch marks: None.
Movement: Yes! Lots of kicks and a few big movements that feel like rolls.
Cravings: Bananas and peanut butter. 2 foods that I hate alone, but man, they're delicious together.
Sleep: Terrible. I wake up at least once a night having to pee so badly. It has only just begun.
Best moment this week: Ordering my maternity skinny jeans.
Gender: Feeling strongly about a boy. And I think I'm excited about it.
Labor signs: None.
Belly button: In. But give it a month.
What I miss: A bladder sufficient enough to hold a night's worth of pee.
What I'm looking forward to: My birthday this weekend!
Weekly wisdom: Boys aren't so bad when you and your husband agree on a cool name.
Milestones: Pregnancy heartburn has begun. Yay me.

Growing!