Thursday, March 7, 2013

Part Wolf

I am scared of a lot of thing. Bugs coming back to life under the wad of toilet paper I just smooshed them with, snakes in my bed, and vampires hiding in my basement are just a few. Most (from the looks of that list, probably all) of my fears are highly improbable. I manage living my day to day life under the crippling fear that in the night, snakes are coiled at my feet hatching their snake babies, resurrected bugs are crawling all my face, and vampires are chilling 2 floors below.

I'm not sure how, but I deal with the possibility of all of this happening. Before I climb in bed though, I check for snakes, I wake up brushing imaginary bugs off my pillow, and sometimes I make JD check the basement for vampire squatters. As you can see, these fears affect my life. They affect it in some pretty stupid ways, but I'm affected nonetheless.

None of these things compare to the huge phobia I have of wolves though.

I'm probably the most afraid of wolves because they're real and they're mean and in every single movie I've seen with wolves in it, they eat people. Actually, I'm probably most afraid of wolves because of what I've seen in the movies. I know nothing of wolves except what has been portrayed on film. Wolves = death by being eating alive, and that is just plain scary. Am I right?

My fear of wolves manifests itself in me being too afraid to go outside at night because hello, wolves hunt people at night, even in suburban Los Angeles. I won't go near the woods and I will never visit Alaska because they have pretty much taken over that place. If I have recently watched a movie with a wolf in it, I will not walk through my dark house to fetch my husband a drink of water because wolves are known shape-shifters and you never know when your chair may really be a wolf.

I came across this shirt online a few weeks ago and naturally, I had to order it. It was too perfect.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em! Or something like that.

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