Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Abandoned (Not Really)

I was born at home on a Saturday afternoon in Florida. I was delivered by the help of a midwife and my dad. My older brother got his first spanking on that day. He spent the day with our pastor's family and threw a fit leaving Sea World, so he got spanked. My mom is still mad about it. Not really. 

2 hours after I was born, my mom went grocery shopping. By herself. Without her newborn. I am still mad about it. Not really. 

I like to tease my mom that all of my attachment issues are because she left me hours after I was born. During my most vulnerable time on earth, I was motherless. I was probably so scared. And hungry. And cold. My dad stayed home with me, but he was scared of newborn babies so he probably didn't hold me for very long. I can vaguely remember my cries of abandonment. Not really. 

Today is my birthday and I was motherless once again, only this time I didn't cry. I spent the day walking cliffside with friends, playing with my girls, and shopping. I scored a bunch of birthday freebies (mostly food) that made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Strangers that wish you a happy birthday can almost make you feel as special as when family does. At least to people with abandonment issues. Not really. 

At 31, I feel grown up. I feel like a mom. I feel like a wife. I feel like I have my feet on a firm foundation in the Word of God. I like this feeling. But most importantly, I have come to a place where I forgive my mom for leaving me when I was just 2 hours old. I may never understand her choice that day, but I am letting it go. Not really.

Being born is a great thing! Thanks for having me, mom, even if you left me so soon. Happy birthday to me!

Does it feel weird holding me, mom? Not really used to it, huh, with all that shopping you were doing? Sorry about the spank, Sethy! Also, nice bowl cut. 

1 comment:

  1. you are crazy :) that's why i love you! glad you had a good birthday and your mom returned once again to celebrate it with you.....days later ;)