Friday, February 22, 2013

I'm Invisible

On any given day, I am tripped, my feet are stomped on, and my back is tweaked from 30 lbs of 3 year old dangling from my neck while 20 lbs of baby demands to be held while I vacuum/cook/get dressed. Tonight, my open eye was poked by a hair barrette.

I am snotted upon, pooped on, and barfed on somewhat regularly. Did I mention that no one listens to me? Ever. And by no one, I mean Beatrice and Penelope. And JD has never pooped on me, just so we're clear. I know all of this comes with the territory of having little ones, but couple all of the painful and gross assaults on my person with the fact that my kids disregard the majority of what I say, I pretty much feel invisible.

Penelope is going through a weird thing where she flips out when I get her up from her nap. When I open her door and smile at her with a cheery, "wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey!", she SCREAMS, "go!" and throws herself on her bed, kicking and flailing. She cries and screams at me, "no mama! Go!" until I either leave her room or bribe her with yogurt covered raisins if she'll please stop freaking out. It really hurts my feelings.

Last night, I asked Beatrice for a hug before bed. At first she refused, then took a flying leap and jumped on me, pulling my neck down and causing me to fall over sideways. I have neck and back pain issues already so this attack of love definitely did not help. I still hurt and can barely move my neck. I yelled and cried.

I am constantly reminding my children that mommy is a person too. When someone tells me dinner is yucky or throws an epic fit over a diaper change that they asked for, I say, "hey, Mommy has feelings too." Because I do. It doesn't help that all day long I hear about how great daddy is. Beatrice likes to tell me, "I never miss you when I'm with Daddy. He takes care of me always."

Obviously, my kids are little and cannot understand that it hurts me when they poke my eyes and that it makes me sad when they dump Cheerios on the floor for fun after they just watched me clean. But when they ignore everything I say (can you please share with your sister?, can you stay out of the road?, can you help me carry your toys upstairs?), I want to scream. And cry. I feel completely invisible to these kids most of the time. This is pretty ironic considering I do almost everything for them all day long.

I love taking care of my kids. I take every granola bar that is crumbled into the freshly vacuumed floor in stride. I refill the tub with new water and bubbles 3 and 4 times while my back breaks, because they love it. I mend princess gowns and crochet purses late at night, knowing full well that the very same gown will be mangled on the playground and the purse will be left at Target tomorrow. I do for my girls because I love them and I'm their mother; it's my job.

But being treated like a human napkin and getting beat up on regularly is sort of getting me down. I absolutely love having little kids, but I'm kinda looking forward to the day when my kids realize that mommy is not their personal punching bag. Mommy might like to enjoy a clean room (whole house? Hahahahahahaha!) for longer than a few hours. But most of all, Mommy just wants to be listened to and obeyed most of the time. Mommy is not invisible.


  1. I must say, it is so soothing to read about someone else's similar struggles. I told my husband today, I feel like I work all day to get the house looking the same as it did when we woke up. Hang in there!

  2. I totally understand, too. We have all been there, or are currently, and yes it is frustrating and hurts so badly but we will get through this and you are not the only one with children like yours :) Sofia does the same thing Penelope does for nap. Sometimes I am so excited because after a well rested three hour nap she wakes up smiling, but most of the time I'm told NO!!!!! It does hurt. I have to remind myself ALL THE TIME that she doesn't understand the way we do. Hang in there girl! We can do this...together :)

  3. I understand 100% of this post! Man do I ever love my kids - but some days I feel like I just want someone to actually SEE ME!