Front Yard Oasis

We live across the street from the ocean. A 10 minute walk will land you at the clean beach.

The view from our bathroom window.


Despite being so close to the beach, it is a haul trekking down there with the stuff needed for babies. So we've been doing this:

It's no day at the beach, but it's not too bad. Our little front yard oasis!

A Day In Photos

Beatrice woke us up at 8 am. We brought her to our bed for morning milkies.

We always have a cup of Cheerios while watching cartoons.

Then we had breakfast.

We headed upstairs to fold some diapers.

Then it was nap time. Milkies first, though.

I got ready while Beatrice napped.

We got up and read some books.

Then went outside to practice walking and groom the mums.

We came in and made some wheat bread.

During Beatrice's afternoon nap, I sipped hot cider and worked on my crocheting.

She woke up and we played.

Daddy came home.

We ate, bathed, and played before bed.

Story time.

Good night.

It's amazing how a mundane day can look so cool in Polaroids.

Mean Mommy

I made Beatrice cry yesterday. I was rushing to get out the door and had a diaper bag, purse, bag of toys and Beatrice balanced in my arms while I was frantically trying to locate my cell phone. If you ever want to see me lose my cool, come over when I'm trying to leave the house with Beatrice and no help. I always end up dropping half of my load and talking out loud to myself about how unfair it is to carry all of my crap without help. It's not a pretty sight. And it happens all of the time. She was super clingy and every time I set her down, she whined and cried for me to pick her back up. Finally with moments before I was going to be late for an appointment, I set her down and said, "Beatrice, you're going to have to deal with it while Mommy finds her phone." Except I didn't say it very nicely. I said it kind of frustrated. She bawled. It broke her heart. Not only did I put her down, but I yelled too. I felt horrible and immediately picked her up and hugged her. She was fine, I found my phone (it was in my purse the whole time), but I beat myself up all day about it.

I know that there will be moments where I lose my cool. I can't be patient all of the time, despite my best efforts. But I am prone to lose it in really dumb situations. This is not how I want to teach my daughter to be. And the way that I act shapes her perspective on women, wives, and mothers. I am her first example of all of those things and if I overreact, I am teaching her that it is normal to do so. Plus, if I overreact at really small things, she is sure to expect me to overreact at really big stuff too. There is a pastor at our church that has counseled with us a few times who gave some really great advice. He said to not freak out about things. If she falls down and gets hurt, don't freak. Deal with it calmly so she comes to expect that from you because one day, there may be a boy who is pressuring her to do more than she's ready to do or a friend who is offering her drugs. If she thinks that we're going to freak out, she won't come to us. We need to be relaxed and even keeled so she can expect that we are not going to lose our cool when it comes to the really big things in her life. I like this advice. I have failed at this advice.

I have also come to realize that Beatrice is very sensitive. She cries when I take too long to get her up from her nap. She cries when she falls. She cries when I take her milkies away. She wants to nurse ALL THE TIME. She cries when she can't figure out how to build a block tower higher than 4 blocks tall. She is sensitive and I need to remember this when dealing with her. This is her little personality and instead of ignoring it, I need to nurture it.

So here I am once again saying how I want to be different and how I want to be a better mother. I am not discouraged though because just as I remind myself every time I load us up to go somewhere without any help, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13. I don't have to go it alone. I can be the kind of mother that I strive to be with His help. And hopefully I won't make Beatrice cry anymore along the way. No one wants to be a mean mommy.

Pink Polka Dot Balloon Pom Birthday At Home With Cake and Banner - Pictures Galore Edition

Today has been a whirlwind of pictures, cake, happy birthday to yous, toys and family. The party was a success and I am beat. Here are some pictures from the big day.

I made this sign for the front door. You know, in case the guests (AKA our family) forgot what they were doing at our house.

The birthday banner I made with scrap book paper, scalloped scissors and ribbon.

Cake from the yummiest bakery in town.

Tissue paper poms hung delicately over the gift table. (She had gifts overflowing onto the floor. Before this photo was taken, obviously).

There was chili with all the fixins, veggies with dip, meat and cheese, chips and dip, cider and cake. (I wrapped the sour cream container in pretty scrap book paper. Details people, details).

And there were balloons. We had a big cluster of pink and green balloons with a single red one to pay homage to Beatrice's love of Goodnight Moon. (Goodnight light and the red balloon).

The birthday girl loved her party. JD and I started decorating last night and she pointed and squealed at the banner and poms. The balloons were almost too much for her to handle.

Welcome to my party!

Having the party at the house was the best idea ever. We weren't rushed or stressed trying to remember things and we stayed pretty relaxed. Our family enjoyed the food and it was kind of nice celebrating her first year with the same people that were huddled into that hospital room one short year ago.

Did I mention there were presents?

And there was an outfit change before the cake was served. But I just realized that I never got a picture of it so here's a picture of her bloomers instead.

No one loves cake more than Beatrice. Except for maybe me. Check out my crazed expression. I can't explain it but it happens every time I see cake. 

She didn't eat any cake, but instead licked icing off of her fingers while saying "mmmmm." It was very ladylike.

At some point, she starting "loving" her cake by laying her head on it.

It was a great success and JD and I are overwhelmed at the generosity and support from our families today and this past year. Tomorrow is Beatrice's actual birthday and we have more exciting things planned. Today is over and we are all going to bed early. Happy birthday, sweet girl. Hope your party was everything you hoped it could be.

Unthinkables

So the unthinkable has happened. I am sick. I caught JD's beast of a cold and I feel like crap. Beatrice's party is tomorrow and I can't be sick. I didn't make plans to be sick so this has really thrown a wrench into everything. I've been speaking my health into existence (Romans 4:17) and gargling with hot salt water. Wanna know when you're officially a grown up? When you gargle hot salt water without your mom forcing you to do so. Which, by the way is my least favorite thing to do. But when you nurse a baby, you cannot take anything that contains antihistamines or your milk dries up. And wouldn't you know, cold meds are chock full of them. So it's hot salt water and positive speech for me. And a teensy bit of whining. I should've seen the sickness coming. I have been mixing things up all week and rearranging our days for appointments that never existed. I was certain that I had a hair appointment on Wednesday and switched around all of today for a 2 o'clock pediatrician appointment that is not until next week. My brain needs health to operate at full capacity apparently. 

So the party is tomorrow and most everything is completed. Did I mention that we have changed everything about the party? It's no longer at the park, we are having it here with immediate family only. We are serving chili, cider and cake. The 3 Cs of perfect fall party making. The other unthinkable thing? It's actually cold. The high today and tomorrow is in the 50s so our menu will be perfect. However, the downside is Beatrice has her 1 year pictures tomorrow morning. Outside. And all of her dresses and outfits are short sleeved. Will y'all think that I'm a bad mother if I don't make her wear a sweater? Or shoes? Because I'm just warning you now, you will probably see pictures of a 1 year old bare foot and in short sleeves in the cold. I can't ruin 1 year old photos with sweaters and shoes. Don't judge me...


Something unthinkable happened yesterday. 2 somethings, actually. Beatrice had her first (and second) waffle fry from Chick-Fil-A and had pizza for dinner. I have refrained from giving her any junk food her entire life but I figure with all of the cake she is about to eat this weekend, I might as well introduce her to fried, greasy goodness while she has the chance. Plus I'm sick and cooking is not happening right now. She loved it (of course) but she equally loved the lima beans I offered her in attempt to not feel so guilty for feeding my child crap all day.

The last and most unthinkable thing? I think I might love the cat again. He's been sleeping with me on the nights that JD is not here. Plus he seems so concerned with my health, it is kind of sweet. But don't tell JD. I will never hear the end of it. I guess the only other unthinkable things I can think of happening are that the party goes off without a hitch, I wake up feeling better and Beatrice doesn't catch the cold that is attacking my throat and chest right now. PRAY FOR US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What Baby Wants, Baby Gets

JD and I went shopping for Beatrice's birthday gifts the other day. We were only going to get a few toys, maybe some books, an outfit or 2. We thought we'd spend $50 or so. 5 DVDs, 3 books, 4 outfits, 3 pairs of shoes, and countless toys later, we left. We spent over $250. We got a little carried away. But it is her first birthday and we just couldn't help ourselves. And in all honesty, we have bought very little for our girl this year. We have been blessed to have our mothers buy most of her clothes and aunts and uncles have supplied her with toys. This first year has been relatively cheap. 

Everyone told us that having a baby would be the most expensive thing we'd ever do but we have managed to raise a baby on the cheap. To date, here are the typical baby expenses we've encountered:

Natural childbirth with no drugs: $1000 (This is what we paid, insurance covered the rest).

Pediatrician visits: $100 (5 well baby visits at $20 a pop).

Milk: Free! (I make my own milkies and Beatrice thinks they're delicious).

Diapers: $200 (We use cloth so this amount includes the initial cost of diapers and detergent. Best parenting/budgeting decision evah).

Food: A bazillion dollars (Our child is a little piggy. She eats like a teenage boy).

Clothes: $200 (I have not had to buy her anything but having a girl makes not shopping for mary janes and smocked dresses impossible).

Wipes: $50 (There are cloth wipes out there but I'm not that green).

Toys: $250 (See above birthday shopping extravaganza). 

In a year, we've spent approximately $1800. When the average estimated cost of raising a child is $250,000 for 18 years, we feel pretty good about the measly 2 grand we've spent this year. I know it is only going to get more expensive as she gets older, but at this rate we can afford at least 3 more babies right away. Honey? Honey, are you there? Okay maybe not right away, but we can afford to buy a boat load of toys and books and clothes for our girl's first birthday in 3 short days. And maybe think about another baby soon......

Beatrice says, "I'm not ready to be a big girl."

Togetherness

We are a big togetherness kind of family. JD and I really like being together. We don't have to actually be doing anything, just hanging out together is enough. This has become a rarity now that he is on the midnight shift. He sleeps during most of the day and by the time he wakes, it's late afternoon. And while we're still together during this time, I am preoccupied with dinner, baths and bedtime for our little one. Weekends practically don't exist anymore. His off days are Sundays and Mondays but he still tries to maintain his schedule by sleeping as late as he can. Every day kinda feels the same around here and we don't get enough togetherness.

Except for today.

Today has been glorious. JD was supposed to have a court case to attend this morning but it was cancelled at the last minute. After he showered, dressed up like a stud (rawr) and got hyped up on Starbucks. So he came home and spent the day with us. We did absolutely nothing. We stayed in our pajamas until 2,  made omelets and coffee and watched 4 hours of The Sopranos. Beatrice napped for awhile and then we all played together. We took turns reading and building block towers and playing Angry Birds on my Droid. Best game evah! To some, it was a total waste of day. But to us, it was just what we needed. I could stay in my pajamas forever with JD. If it's just me at home, I hate it and have to get dressed early. He brings out the couch potato in me. 

Today actually felt like a weekend day to me. Our days look pretty much the same and while I love staying home, I never get that excited feeling that I used to get on Saturday mornings when I worked thinking that I had the whole day to do whatever I wanted. Having a day of nothingness and lounging with my family made me feel great, like I had a little weekend break on a Tuesday.

Everyone is napping so I finally took a shower. Beatrice and I have to run some errands later and while this morning was great, we cannot do nothing forever. JD returns to work tonight and tomorrow we'll be back to our regular routine. It was great while it lasted. Everyone needs a big ol' day of togetherness every now and then. Even if that means doing absolutely nothing.

Mornings

After 11 months into this whole mothering thing, I feel like I've mastered most of my duties. I never run out of diapers (we use cloth so there is the potential to totally screw up), I feed and nurse my child everyday (yay me!), and there have been no injuries to date (yay Beatrice!). All of the little routine-y things have been figured out for the most part and our life works. I wouldn't call myself a pro, but I am pretty darn confident in the job that I am doing.

The one thing I have yet to master though is mornings. In my mind, a successful stay at home mother is dressed and showered before breakfast. This has never ever happened. Our mornings look something like this:

7ish - wake up, milkies
8ish - go downstairs, have Cheerios on the couch while watching cartoons and checking emails
9ish - breakfast, play until nap time
10ish - nap time, I take a shower. Or a nap.....

This bothers me because we can never leave the house until after morning nap. If I got my morning routine down, I would have 3 whole hours to dedicate to meaningful things other than catching up on last night's crochet project and lounging in pajamas all morning.

This past Sunday morning, I decided we were going to early church at the last minute. I heard Beatrice croaking on the monitor so I jumped in the shower and got ready really quickly. I got her up, nursed and dressed her and we made it to church on time. A miracle. It was wonderful. We were home by 10 and had the whole morning left to nap (Beatrice) and do productive things (me). Why can't I do this every day?

Because I'm lazy. And set in my routine of having no routine. Plus, I love our cuddly mornings on the couch with Cheerios and footed jammies. So maybe our routine isn't so bad after all. Lazy? Yes. Productive? Not at all. Sweet, quiet and messy? For sure. I kind of love it just the way it is.

And last night's crochet project? A pumpkin beanie.

The Excellent Wife

She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Proverbs 31:27

It is no secret that I strive to do my best at my new gig as stay at home wife/mother. I soberly accept my responsibilities within my household as if they were mandated to me by a human resources supervisor and not just optional activities that I choose to or not to do each day. It is also no secret that I don't always keep the most organized house. I clean and cook and do the laundry, but there are still piles of mail on the kitchen counter, books that need to be put away and my dining room table is covered with coupons. My to-do list never fully gets done. I attempt much but complete little. Sigh.

During my morning devotions today, I read through Proverbs 31 and came across the Excellent Wife. This woman is super woman. She wakes before her family and prepares the meals for the day, she invests her money wisely, she is charitable and kind, she brings honor and pride to her family and works really, really hard all day long. The proof is in her arms (v17). As I read about her, I compared my day to hers. While there are some similarities between us, there are far more differences. Double sigh.

Laziness is not the culprit. Time management may be a contender, but I think my major hurdle at being like the Excellent Wife in Proverbs 31 is that I have this notion that I need or deserve "me time." I love it. Every nap Beatrice takes I complete the most pressing chore, then I rush to the computer to read/comment on message boards, play on Facebook or just zone out for half an hour. Once she's up, we play and carry on like usual. And nighttime is worse. After she goes down at 7:30, it's like I punch the clock. I am done for the day. If there are dishes in the sink, I clean those but everything else waits until tomorrow. I spend three hours crocheting, reading or playing on my computer. It is glorious, but it is also a waste of three hours that could be put to good use for my family. I am also a huge nerd if all I want to do with three hours of free time is crochet, but I'm okay with it.

I don't remember my mother ever resting. She was busy all day. At night while we were watching T.V. or playing with my dad, she was folding something, baking something or preparing lunches for the next day. And she never complained about needing a break or having "her time." She was content and happy in her work.

I had a conversation with my mother in law about how unfair it is that when JD has a day off, it truly is a day off from work. He rests, he watches football, he does whatever he wants. I complained how I never get a day off. There are no weekends in motherhood. She agreed, but then told me "that's the way it is with wives/mothers Aly." And she is right. Why do my mother and mother in law get this but I do not? Why do I feel the need for all of this "me time?"

Honestly, I think it's because I am selfish. I have adopted the notion that I deserve to do XYZ (AKA me time) and if I can't do that whenever I want because of a baby, then I will do it whenever I want once the baby is asleep. And the result is a disorganized house and an undone to-do list. This is not a quality of the Excellent Wife.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think hobbies are bad or sinful. But when they interrupt the fluidity of a well maintained house I think it is time to reevaluate priorities. And nowhere in Proverbs 31 does it state that the Excellent Wife is only a blessing to her family after she has "her time." She works hard because that is the job of a wife/mother and she is blessed, revered and honored for it. And the joy in her life is not from having hours of uninterrupted time to pursue a hobby. It is from seeing the fruits of her labors at home and within her family.

I won't be giving up all of my hobbies, however in my pursuit of becoming an Excellent Wife I will be working on getting my house in order even if it means less "me time." I want to accomplish. I want to organize. I want to be excellent.

Pink Polka Dot Balloon Pom Birthday At the Park With Cake and Banner

We have approximately seven more weeks until Beatrice turns one. That means my baby will be a big girl. It also means, I've got a party to plan. She was born on Halloween but since we don't celebrate or want a black and orange themed party, I have to come up with some other theme worthy of our little girl's big day. It is no small feat planning a child's first party. 

When I was a kid, a typical birthday consisted of three-legged races, homemade cakes from your mom and goody bags filled with dollar store treats. The really good parties had a pinata and a slip-n-slide. These days, you're not in the game if you don't have a perfectly planned theme party complete with designer cake, decor and favors for your guests. I want to be in the game. 

JD and I have thrown out some ideas for her party. Here are just a few:

Oktoberfest

Complete with lederhosen, beer steins and schnitzel, this theme would fit in perfectly with the adults. Not so much with the kids. But how cute would Beatrice be in little lederhosen?! Much like JD here. Ricola!

 

Turkeys

Hunting season will be in full force at the end of October so we could all dress as land fowl and have a mock hunt. And JD has a mean turkey call that he's been working on. That man can gobble like a pro.

Tea Party

This is actually a great idea but it's too much for me. If we did it, I'd want to go all out a la Alice in Wonderland style and that would be too much to take on. Plus it would be really expensive because I would want real china and chandeliers and flamingos. You know, for the croquet.

The sad part is, those are really our ideas. We just don't know what to do. I have no problem with having an old fashioned birthday party with family and friends over for a homemade cake but we don't have enough room at our place to host the event. So we are having it at the park. And the pavilion needs a little something to pretty it up. It's basically wood planks and picnic tables. Our theme could be Birthday At the Park, complete with wooden planked pavilions and picnic tables. 

I have some inspiration. We shall have poms:

We shall have a birthday banner:

We shall have cake:

We shall have balloons:

And I plan to make most of it. Except for the balloons. Pretty sure that's impossible. My supplies are bought, ideas are fresh and I'm just about ready to begin preparation for my girl's Pink Polka Dot Balloon Pom Birthday At the Park With Cake and Banner. How's that for a theme?

Photo by photographer extraordinaire Sara Rose.

Summer's A Wasting Away

At the beginning of the summer, I thought that I would have been at the pool every day. Beatrice and I would be brown as biscuits as we splish-splashed our days away in the water. But after a handful of trips without any help, I realized that going to the pool with a baby every day is for the birds. Anywhere you go with a baby requires a lot of stuff, but the pool is trickier than most places because you can't put the baby down for a minute to unload your stuff: water + baby = danger. So I have to juggle Beatrice, the pool bag stuffed to the brim with towels, toys and sunscreen, the diaper bag, the baby float, keys and cellphone. And then once I have all of that secure, I have to open the iron gate into the pool. With my foot. And then once we're in and settled, Beatrice only likes swimming for 20 minutes. So we pack everything up and leave. Really, it's a lot more work than it's worth.

A play date fell through today so I decided to enjoy the last little bit of pool season by taking my girl swimming. She loved it.

She sports a mean monokini.

This is as close as I will get to sitting on the side of the pool, relaxing in the sun for probably 10 more years.

Heading for the big water. 10 month olds don't swim in baby pools apparently.

We had the pool to ourselves and we swam and splashed and talked about the birds flying around. It was a great day. She lasted about an hour this time so the trip seemed a little less like work and more like a fun day at the pool with my girl.

Modesty first, Beatrice.

Thanks Mom for being completely awesome today. You're welcome baby girl. It's who I am.