Support System

Today, the bloggity blog is being featured on Table For Four. Thanks to Nicole for asking me to write a little something for her fun blog! Here is my post:


Before my family moved to California a few months ago, 2500 miles away from all of our friends and relatives, I accepted very little help when it came to my daughters. Sure, I took my mother in law up on babysitting every 8 weeks or so while I got my hair done, but I never took advantage of the free childcare for the 22 months that I had it. To be honest, I never thought I needed it. I stay at home with my girls and using a babysitter seemed like I was abusing the system a little. I mean, watching the kids was my job after all. Letting someone else watch them made me feel a little guilty. Plus, it feels awkward to accept help when it comes to my kids. I feel like I should do it all, all the time.

Then I moved to the other side of the country. I found myself with no mother in law, no mom, no grandmother or sisters in law or best friends close by to help with my girls. I sort of panicked. Who would be available for my hair appointments or, God forbid, when I got sick? Who would I call when I ran out of milk and needed someone to drop some off? I suddenly realized that the support system I took for granted back home was really an essential part of this whole parenting gig.

I did the only rational thing one could do when they find themselves in this predicament: I insisted that we move back home at once. Naturally, that didn't go over so well with JD. So, I prayed. I prayed for new friends that could be my California support system. Friends that could watch my kids when I am in a bind, friends to commiserate the terrible 2s with, friends to recommend pediatricians and grocery stores and kid-friendly places. And friends to be friends with, too.

Almost immediately, I made some friends and my support system was established. Having these women has made adjusting to our new life out here so much easier. I don't feel like I am completely alone each day. If I run out of milk or get sick, someone in my support system would have my back and come over. With milk. I have learned to treasure this help because most of the time, having a support system is not about the kids. It's about the mom. Sometimes the mom needs a break. Sometimes the mom needs to know that there are others who care enough about her to make themselves available to help out. Sometimes it is enough to know that there are people there to help, even if you don't need it.

So for the first time in my 26 months of motherhood, I am utilizing my support system. I now know the value of having people available to help a mama out. And not just for babysitting, but for encouragement and advice too. And fellowship. Sharing experiences is a huge part of the parenting journey. Having a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on is just as vital as having a trustworthy babysitter. That's what the support system is all about. And I have learned that having one and utilizing it makes all the difference in the world, whether you live near your family or 2500 miles away.

Guest Blogger

Remember when I offended all of my Facebook friends when I wrote about how some people are misusing it? Well I wrote that piece for a fellow blogger and new internet friend Amanda at Fabulously Unfabulous. She has returned the favor and wrote a little something for me. Her post is basically why I really, really, really wanted a girl! Go check her out, if only to see her precious son's curly mohawk!
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So... Aly did an awesome guest blog spot for me, so it is only fair that I return the favor and try to match her awesomeness.

For those of you who don't know me, I'm Amanda from FabulouslyUnfabulous, mom to an adorable, curly-mohawked (it's true) 9.5 month old named Jackson.

Aly asked me to write about being a mama to a boy... and I thought that clearly this is something I can tackle since I am now an expert on this topic after 9.5 months. :-)

Let me start with the first and most obvious topic:  boy parts.

Lesson #1, They are very different from girl parts.  Duh.  But really... they are.  Sometimes I change Jackson's diaper and I have to call my husband over to ask "hey, is this normal?", or "What the heck do I do now?".  I know it seems trite, but I have never had one of my very own... so sometimes you have to call in the experts to answer your questions.

Lesson #2... you only have a very limited amount of time to decide if what you are looking at is "normal" before he gets his boy parts locked, loaded, and aimed.  Diapering a boy has to be done quickly and efficiently.  Go in to each diaper change with a plan, and DO NOT get distracted.  Get in, and get out.  There is no time for dawdling...  one mistake and you WILL be peed on.  And the pee is not just limited to landing on you... it will also spray the changing table, wall, floor, passersby.... you get my drift.  If you see it aimed directly at you, duck... you have no time left.

Lesson #3... diapers.  Their boy parts need to be pointed in the downward position when being diapered.  Think I am kidding?  Don't do it, and see what happens.  Your son will pee right out the top of his diaper.  When Jackson began sleeping on his belly we went through this night after night... changing those crib sheets at 3am is really a beyotch... so take it from me, just point his little winky down when diapering and it will save you a lot of unnecessary middle of the night bedding changes.

Lesson #4.... boys will be boys... even when they are infants.  Each and every time my son pees on me, he thinks it is absolutely hilarious.

Now on to one of my favorite topics,  clothing:

I am not sure why, but manufacturers of infant clothing seem to think that either a) all little boys should be dressed in things with trucks, animals, characters, or firetrucks, or b) mom's of little boys don't like to shop for them.  I went to the Nordstrom Anniversary sale a few weeks ago.  I left Jackson with my sister, and headed out there at 8am to beat the crowds... yeah I am a dedicated shopper.

I was really excited to stock up on adorable clothes for my son for the fall and winter.  Unfortunately, I was heartbroken to find about 15 racks of infant girls' clothing, and only 3 for boys.  WTF?!   Does my son not need clothing too?  This phenomenon is not limited to Nordstrom... it sadly happens everywhere.  And the stores that DO have an ample selection of clothes for little boys, ruin them by adorning them with theme type characters that just do not appeal to me.  Very disappointing.

As much as I sometimes get bummed when I shop for my son because there is so little selection when it comes to clothing... I have to say, the toys are wayyyy better.  Yes, many toys are not gender specific, and I am a modern mom, my son can play with girl toys if he wants to... but I personally think Tonka Dump Trucks & dinosaurs, beat a doll and carriage any day.

Another major difference between boys and girls is their  energy levels.

Think this is a myth?  Spend a little time in a Mommy & Me class, and you will see what I see.  My son, and most of the other boys are crawling all over the place, while the little girls are sitting nicely in their mothers' laps while the instructor sings them songs and does puppet shows.  I have all but given up on trying to contain him during these structured portions of class because he is just not interested in sitting still, while his female counterparts, sit contentedly clapping along with the music.

As for the  future... we are not there yet, so I am really not sure what it holds.   I do know that potty training is going to be an interesting feat, and that with little girls, you don't have to worry much about their aim... although I do distinctly remember that when I was being potty trained, I sat so far back on the toilet seat that I peed right over the top of it.  So maybe boys and girls really aren't that different when it comes to toileting needs.  But I digress.  Back to the topic at hand.

Boy, girl... the slight differences end there... with subtleties and nuances.  The gender gap is closing in society, so raising a boy, or raising a girl is all pretty much the same.  As parents, we tackle a lot of the same issues, and have a lot of the same worries about the future for our offspring; regardless of their gender. All we REALLY want as parents is to raise happy, healthy children who become productive members of society.  And of course it wouldn't hurt if our sons always remembered that their mommies were the first women who they ever loved... just kidding.  Kind of.  :-)