Sucking At Life Really Sucks

I have sucked at being a wife this past week. In fact, I have sucked at life in general. I don't feel good. It's a mixture of stomach issues and fatigue and everyday around 3 o'clock, I hit a wall and cannot continue on with my day anywhere but from the couch. This would be okay if I didn't have a baby that is into everything and a husband that is hungry every night around the same time.

Last week, I didn't cook a single night. On Sunday night, I had big plans to make something worthy of a cold Sunday night dinner, but as soon as the Papa John's commercial came on, I ordered a pizza instead. This was before my full fledged commitment to eating healthier so please don't judge me. I couldn't bring myself to cook dinner that night or any other night if I continued to feel the way that I did. On Monday morning I realized that I had to come up with a plan if we were going to eat for the rest of the week. I came up with the perfect solution: I was going to invite us over to all of our families' houses for dinner for the week. Brilliant if I do say so myself.

I called my mother in law on Monday morning and invited us over for dinner ran my plan by her. She obliged and made us a feast. We took leftovers home and things were looking good for the rest of the week. My scheme was quickly halted when my family declined my invitation to their homes. Hmmmph. It was either cook myself or starve. So I did the next best thing to cooking and heated up leftovers and ate cereal. Let's just say JD had a lot of sandwiches last week. By the end of the week, JD wasn't even making sandwiches anymore. He went to work early a few nights to "do paperwork," but I think he just wanted to grab some dinner that wasn't contained by sliced bread and served on napkins.

I still feel like crap. But yesterday I made a meal plan for the week and went to the grocery store. Tonight I made world's best lasagna. It took forever but it was the best lasagna we've ever had. In the world. I have a plan for a hot dinner every night this week. JD is thrilled, but a little skeptical. He says he'll believe it when he sees it. No matter how awful I feel, I am committed to making my husband dinner every night this week with a minimum of 1 leftover meal served. Sucking at life is not an option anymore.

The Lion Says RAWR

Beatrice knows all of her animal sounds minus the pig and the rooster. She can hiss like a snake, bock like a chicken, and do whatever sound an elephant makes complete with arm above head mimicking the trunk. I totally call it an elephant snout in the following footage for unknown reasons. She knows the lion, she loves the lion, but dagnabbit if she's not stubborn about performing the most precious rawr you've ever heard in your life when asked on camera. Oh, and she's eating doo doos. Also known as noodles for those of you who don't speak toddlerese.

I finally captured the infamous RAWR. The quality is crappy, but the content is priceless.

On the Right Track

So after I wrote this, I got serious about my family's health. I started eliminating those harmful additives I discussed and we ate more fresh fruits and vegetables. I have been baking our bread and making our sauces from scratch. We don't buy sodas anymore and we rarely eat refined sugars. Sigh. It felt like we were on the right track, but I knew we needed to do more.

Snacks were the next thing to tackle. I ordered the Brother's freeze dried fruit (Beatrice loves them), I bought Annie's organic cheddar bunnies in lieu of Goldfish crackers, and I bought all natural cereal Os with no added junk. My biggest fear with giving up Cheerios and Goldfish crackers was the convenience of them. I was concerned with not having clean snack options for Beatrice when we were on the go. But the more I looked, the more things I found that were made with natural ingredients and were better alternatives to the stuff found on most grocery store shelves.

Today we went to Whole Foods and stocked up. I found tons of snack and meal options for all of us that contain no chemical additives. I am a big nerd in the fact that I have been looking forward to our trip all week. I love going to Whole Foods. It took forever because I read every label before I put anything in our cart. I have learned that if there is a long list of ingredients with words I cannot pronounce, it's not really food. And the best part? I only spent $60 on 4 large bags of food. I'm kind of obsessed with saving money and shopping organically is not cheap. I have been programmed to think that food should be cheap and not be a huge expense in our budget. But if I invest in our health by eating the most nutritious foods possible, we are actually saving money because hopefully we will save in medical expenses down the road. You are what you eat, ya know?

I don't really make New Year's resolutions. I'm more apt to make goals and improvements. My goal for this year: eating better and more naturally. JD is less than thrilled with this plan. He likes his Big Macs and Mountain Dews. I like my cake and gummy bears. I'm not saying that we will never have those things, but for now, the majority of our food is going to be wholesome fruits and vegetables, lean proteins, and tons of water. No more artificial substances in our pantry. I'm excited.

The other day when Beatrice was chowing down on some hummus and whole wheat toast, JD asked if kids normally like hummus. I said that kids eat what is offered to them and depending on what is offered, that food becomes normal. I want healthy, wholesome foods to be normal to her. I want her to love her vegetables and prefer water over juice. I think we're on the right track and I'm excited about that.

Beatrice says, "I feel healthier already!"

Someone Feels Neglected

I have a problem and it's starting to affect my marriage. I am addicted to mindless time-wasting nonsense. What is mindless time-wasting nonsense, you say? For me, it is internet message boards, internet Scrabble, Angry Birds on my cellphone, crocheting, reading, and watching TV. I am addicted to all of these things and must be doing at least one activity during the time that Beatrice goes to bed at night until I go to bed. This is causing issues.

It all started when JD left last year for the federal academy. It was winter and I was stuck inside all day with a 2 month old. Alone. For 6 months. I relished the "me time" every night after I put the baby to bed. It was the only time during the day that I got to veg out and do whatever I wanted for as long as I wanted. For the most part, I wasted time playing online or watching reality TV. Hello Real Housewives of Everywhere.  Then I started crocheting so at least the mindless time-wasting nonsense I was doing was somewhat productive. Once JD returned, it was too late. I was hooked on doing whatever I wanted at night. I couldn't stop.

For months now, JD has been begging me to put down my computer/book/yarn/phone and spend time with him. This never happens. And not because I'm a jerk. JD doesn't want to have meaningful conversations or cuddle. He wants me to put down my things so that I have free hands to tickle his arm/rub his shins/massage his back. Those are the last things that I want to do with my spare time. So I ignore his requests and continue playing on my computer/reading my book/crocheting with my yarn/playing Angry Birds on my phone. He is getting upset.

Last night was bad, probably my lowest point. JD begged me to cuddle with him on the couch while we watched a movie (AKA lay across me with his entire body, crushing my bladder. Super romantic and cuddly). So I conceded. HOWEVER, I had my computer on his legs (which were crushing my bladder) and my phone in hand. I was playing a round of internet Scrabble and 4 games of Scrabble on my phone. Yes, 5 games at once. I know. I have a problem. This infuriated JD. He wanted me to rub his leg with my free hand. But that was the problem. I had no free hands. So I ignored him. I played my games until my phone shut down for 12 hours. Seriously, I killed my phone. It would not power on at all. By the end of the movie JD wasn't talking to me. He said that I care more about games than I do tickling his shins. He was kidding of course, but I got the point. I need to lay off the mindless time-wasting nonsense. For the record, I thought the bladder crushing cuddling was quality time. My bad.


So tonight I am blogging while he is watching TV. He keeps poking me with his toes and I'm guessing that means he wants to crush my bladder cuddle. Maybe tomorrow night, Dear.

We're Not Meant for the Outside World

JD and I have become that cliche couple that has a baby and never goes out again. You know the one. The couple that disappears off of the radar once they have a baby, never to be seen at couples' weekend getaways, the movie theater, or out to dinner again. The couple that holes up in their home and never goes anywhere without their precious offspring. That's us. And we kind of love it. We are big homebodies so this suits us just fine. We are more content watching a Netflix movie in our pajamas with our girl sleeping soundly upstairs than we would be at a restaurant. But every once in awhile, we are bitten by the social bug and actually want to venture outside of the comforts of our home and do something. Especially on a holiday weekend.

Tonight we decided to drive 30 miles into the city to a famous hotel to check out the massive Christmas light display they put on. Every year it gets better and better and since we haven't done anything in so long, we decided that it would be the perfect celebratory thing to do for New Year's Eve. Plus, we could take along Beatrice and she would love it.

I was so proud of us for not backing out like we've done for the last month. We got ready like we had planned and left on time. Everyone was in good spirits. We were going to get there early to avoid the traffic and have enough time to grab some Mexican food and be home in time for Beatrice's bedtime. It was going to be a night to remember. The start of a New Year's tradition perhaps. The night's potential had no limits as far as we were concerned.

We got there in excellent time. 4 o'clock on the dot. Actually, we got off of the exit at 4. It was about 5:15 when we made it the half mile onto the property. Traffic was a nightmare. We literally did not move, not one single inch, for an hour. I was starving, Beatrice was hollering in the backseat, and JD was mumbling what a terrible idea this was and how badly the whole thing sucked. It was not festive and definitely not celebratory. After pleading with Beatrice to be happily confined in the dark backseat to no avail, I crawled back there to set her free. Don't worry, we weren't moving. Children have to be buckled in a moving vehicle. We never moved so she was perfectly safe. Lots of climbing took place in between the several demands for boovie. Like boobie, but with an exotic twist. After 2 hours of sitting in line to get to the parking area, we gave up. We turned around and came home. I was disappointed and angry, JD was grumpy and impatient, and Beatrice was hungry. Our big night out was a complete wash.

As soon as I buckled Beatrice back in her car seat, she began to scream so I stayed in the backseat in efforts to keep her calm on the drive home. I failed miserably. While she screamed and cried for more boovie, I sat in the dark and fumed. I may have even cried a little bit. I hate when a plan doesn't work out. And I hate wasting time. Because of the level of suckage of being stuck in unmoving traffic for 2 hours, we didn't engage in meaningful conversation. We didn't discuss New Year's resolutions. We just complained. And whipped out boovies in the backseat of my car. It was a wasted night.

We ended up calling in takeout and eating at home. Beatrice went to bed an hour past her bedtime and JD had to go to work. It was not the perfect family night that I had planned. But as we laid in bed for a few moments before he had to leave, we started laughing as we recapped the night. How hilarious to have a perfectly planned outing go so horribly wrong. Especially when we never go out. It proved how terrible we are at outings and how perfect we are at staying in. Looking back, the whole shebang was pretty awesome.

Happy New Year!

She's A Big Kid Now

There is nothing quite like having a baby. Having a tiny, little person rely on you for everything is so rewarding and makes you feel like the ultimate nurturer. I loved those days with Beatrice when she needed me all day long and even sometimes at night. When she wanted nothing but to snuggle and be held by her mama melted my heart and I knew I'd miss it when she grew up. Having a big kid though, is even better. Having a big kid means that there is someone to interact with you on a tangible level. There are conversations (mostly about animal sounds and shapes, but conversations nonetheless) and helpers to create clean up messes. Having a big kid is better than having a baby because while they still need you and want to cuddle, they are also little people with precious sing-songy voices telling you what they need/are thinking about/think is hilarious. It's kind of wonderful.

Beatrice and I had a girls' day out this morning complete with blueberry pancakes at Cracker Barrel and a quick shopping trip to a furniture store. While I used to dread outings with her, today was really fun. We ate pancakes and talked about the weather. Even though I was technically the only adult at the table capable of 2 word sentences, we had a lovely time. It made me realize how much I love having a big kid. I have a person to share meals with. A person to talk to when nobody else is home. A person to go shopping with. And she loves it as much as I do.

I will always cherish her babyhood and her helpless little self needing me for everything. But I can't help be a little proud of the big kid that she's becoming. Her budding independence and fiery personality has got to be a reflection of my awesome nurturing skills. Right? Having a big kid rules and I am glad to finally have one.

Packing Up 2010

We put away all of the Christmas decor tonight. I usually postpone it until after New Year's because it seems like such a waste to take it down so soon after planning for so long, but with our place on the market, the extra clutter was making me nervous. Plus, I'm really ready to move on to the new year. Cleaning up this year's Christmas marked the end of 2010. Bring on 2011.

I don't know that I have looked forward to a new year like I am this coming year. 2010 has had a few trials and many victories. We have learned and grown. We have struggled little and strengthened much. 2010 wasn't a bad year, but I'm glad it's over. I can't help but think 2011 is going to be great.

I have plans for 2011. Big plans. One way or another we will be moving to a bigger place, our baby girl is going to be more awesome than ever before, JD and I are going to seek God more wholly, and there will be lots of joy. Did you know that you can choose to be joyful? I'm choosing joy this year. And I'm looking forward to all of it. Goodbye 2010. You've been pretty cool, but 2011 is going to be so much better.